Simple skills with great potential for improved relationships.

Each author (or set of authors) of a self-help book, or a business book, create a model of how something works and then explain in books and seminars how that model applies to the world and tell us that it will bring us success. The models are based on the author(s) experience and might or might not be data driven. Thankfully, this book is based on research of the authors at various companies rather than just a collection of anecdotes.

Rather than me creating a book summary, I found one that is thorough and covers the material quite nicely. There are lots of inserted advertisements to ignore while reading that review.
https://slooowdown.wordpress.com/2013/06/09/summary-of-crucial-conversations-too...

Slooowdown says: Their model has essentially 7 steps:
1) Start with the heart (i.e empathy and positive intent)
2) Stay in dialogue
3) Make it safe
4) Don’t get hooked by emotion (or hook them)
5) Agree a mutual purpose
6) Separate facts from story
7) Agree a clear action plan
(From Slooowdown's review)

When I checked the book out of the library, my wife commented that we have that book. She had bought it two years ago after hearing it mentioned at a BYU Education Week class. So, instead of reading the library book, I read and highlighted our copy.

Some sections of this book are about how to have honest conversations. It requires not offending and yet not glossing over the seriousness of the issue. It talks about [b:Games People Play|49176|Games People Play|Eric Berne|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1628756599l/49176._SX50_.jpg|817417], but does not mention the 1964 book by that title.

In the afterword, each of the authors has a section. One of the authors got lots of compliments about the book. “I’m always surprised that the number of people who suggest that the book has helped them immensely, yet ... they hesitantly explain that they haven’t exactly read the entire book. ... okay, they’ve only scanned the book ... but somehow [it] has served them well. ... A quick glance has helped them enormously. ... they can listen better. ... They can be thoughtful and pleasant and they can most assuredly avoid harsh language and terse accusations. ...”

Chapters (Second Edition)
Forward II ed., Forward I ed., Preface, Acknowledgements
1. What is a Crucial Conversation - and who cares?
2. Mastering the Crucial Conversation - the power of dialogue
3. Start with the Heart - How to stay focused on what you really want
4. Learn to Look - How to notice when safety is at risk
5. Make it Safe - How to make it safe to talk about almost anything
6. Master My Stories - How to stay in dialogue when you’re angry, scared, or hurt
7. STATE My Path - How to speak persuasively, not abrasively
8. Explore Others’ Paths - How to Listen when other blow up or clam up
9. Move to Action - How to turn Crucial Conversations into action and results
10. Yeah, But - Advice for tough cases
11. Putting It All Together - Tools for preparing and learning
Afterward - What I’ve learned about Crucial Conversations in the past ten years
Endnotes
Index ( )

I listened to the audio, then bought the book. This is a now a requirement for our homeschool graduation. EVERYONE should read this. There is no one who cannot benefit from this research and practical tools and insights to improve communication--ESPECIALLY when your emotions run high! At the end, the authors comment on the few managers they interacted with who actually made changes and improved. Change is hard! They acknowledge how difficult it is. The audio was well done, and the humor of our human gut reactions well-communicated. ( )

A good summary on the proper attitude towards every kind of confrontation, negotiation or debate on topics that matter (especially useful as soft-skills repertoire for managers). ( )

This is the best book I've ever read in communication. It has changed my life! Some if the principles that resonated with me were to "Start with Heart" before ant conversation. In other words examine your own motives. Then, "Make it Safe" for the other person(s). Assure them of what you "don't intend" and then follow up with what you "do intend." Give them a chance to tell their story and ask questions tentatively. There are more! You must read this book! ( )

(11) This is the first self-help/work book that I have truly felt was 100% valuable and a satisfying read. What do you do with you are blindsided by a conversation that you have been avoiding or don't want to have? Or you know something needs to be said; and it probably needs to be said by you -- but you are so dreading it? This happens every week in both our professional and our personal life and we blow it - over and over again. We get emotionally hijacked. We tell ourselves victim or villain stories. We resort to either silence or violence. Oh yeah, this resonated for me.

This book gave practical solutions to these situations in easy to understand language with illustrative examples that felt real. The author did a great job of keeping their own personality out of the writing - so many books in this genre start to become more about how fabulous the author is, rather than the wisdom. (Though there were quite a few shout outs to content on their website that is inaccessible unless you sign up -- minus 1 star...) I found myself taking notes and practicing in my mind... Learn to look - are we actually in dialogue here? What is the right conversation to be having - Is it about content, a pattern, or our relationship? What do I really want and what am I acting like I want? Umm, maybe I need a time-out and have the conversation at a different time after I establish these things...

I also liked the process advice - Whoa, not safe - step out and establish mutual respect and purpose. And the STATE my path pneumonic is kinda life changing. I honestly don't know if I can do it - especially in my personal life. What I have at least been practicing though that has been working is a instituting a delay between observations --> emotion --> action. "What is the story I am telling myself?" has been a life changing internal monologue over the last few weeks. Hey, we all gotta start somewhere.

So as you can tell, I am enthusiastic about the advice in this book. Even though I am intelligent and accomplished and well-read - turns out - no one ever taught me this stuff. I've been telling my friends and colleagues that I've been reading a book about how not to be an arsehole. Ha! ( )