How do we brand the world around us and how does it brand us? Across lyrics and half-story-poems, this collection gives advice on how to frighten your friends, weighs up the pros and cons of cream jeans, questions the efficacy of algae as a face mask, gives dental hygiene tips and ideas for floral arrangements. There's even a poem from the perspective of the crocodile on Lacoste-branded clothing. If click & collect is the new cause & effect, how can realignments of brands-as-objects and objects-as-brands create queer spaces for new orientations and arrangements?