"What follows is an account of events experienced by the above man. As a film subject, he was one of the best I've ever seen, despite a complete lack of dramatic ability. The sources I've used for the creation of this report are, in the main, video footage-both consensual interviews with the subject and footage generated without his knowledge. At the time of this writing, he is employed at a facility called Shred Authority Neighborhood Storage. In terms of familial relationships, he has two sisters (no contact), a mother (no contact), and a father (yearly contact). His sexual interests are best described as disappointingly vanilla with longtime urges for mild deviancy. Hobbies include cycling, occasional woodworking, and researching arcane topics on the Internet and internalizing them. He lacks a formal education, yet is adept at finding information, albeit in an unsystematic way. I chose this subject not because of the events he experienced-though they are thrilling and profound-but because he stumbled across something that no one could turn away from. Though a select few of you may be familiar with my film work, I've recently retired to pursue other forms, hence the at times novelistic appearance of the following narrative"--