I know it wasn't the best idea to read this book. I read You Truly Assumed by Laila Sabreen and I loved it despite some weird things I noticed about it, but this book was too much. I know that I'm probably not the target audience because I'm a Christian (born and raised in Saudi Arabia for fourteen years) and I don't have an Islamic perspective on books written by Muslims for Muslims.

I want you to read this blurb, which tells you all you need to know about the book before you even start reading it.

A queer hijabi Muslim immigrant survives her coming-of-age by drawing strength and hope from stories in the Quran in this daring, provocative, and radically hopeful memoir.

When fourteen-year-old Lamya H realizes she has a crush on her teacher--her female teacher--she covers up her attraction, an attraction she can't yet name, by playing up her roles as overachiever and class clown. Born in South Asia, she moved to the Middle East at a young age and has spent years feeling out of place, like her own desires and dreams don't matter, and it's easier to hide in plain sight. To disappear. But one day in Quran class, she reads a passage about Maryam that changes everything: when Maryam learned that she was pregnant, she insisted no man had touched her. Could Maryam, uninterested in men, be . . . like Lamya?

From that moment on, Lamya makes sense of her struggles and triumphs by comparing her experiences with some of the most famous stories in the Quran. She juxtaposes her coming out with Musa liberating his people from the pharoah; asks if Allah, who is neither male nor female, might instead be nonbinary; and, drawing on the faith and hope Nuh needed to construct his ark, begins to build a life of her own--ultimately finding that the answer to her lifelong quest for community and belonging lies in owning her identity as a queer, devout Muslim immigrant.

This searingly intimate memoir in essays, spanning Lamya's childhood to her arrival in the United States for college through early-adult life in New York City, tells a universal story of courage, trust, and love, celebrating what it means to be a seeker and an architect of one's own life.

OK... we're already going a bit too far with this.

1. Suspecting that Allah is non-binary when He is referred to with male pronouns in the Quran and all Islamic texts. This blasphemy in Islam to try to label Allah as a non-binary person, because pronouns such as they/them would suggest Allah is more than one person, which goes against the values of the Quran.

2. The Virgin Mary was not a lesbian, as the author suggests. If the Virgin Mary not being touched by any man makes her a lesbian, all Catholic nuns who make a vow of remaining chaste for life are also automatically lesbians because they live around other women and seldom associate with men.

3. Comparing openly becoming queer to Moses freeing the Israelites is a whole other level of low. And I'll explain why. The Israelites were in bondage in Egypt. They were slaves. They were tortured, beaten, forced to do free labor, and traumatized beyond imagination. Moses went through so much and had to gather plenty of courage to free his people, with the help of the Almighty God. The story of Exodus isn't comparable to someone openly expressing their queerness. Was Lamya being enslaved while closeted? Did she feel enslaved as a closeted queer? I can't read her mind, but this comparison was beyond disrespectful and disgraceful. The situation of the Israelite slaves was much worse than Lamya's. Trying to find similarities between Moses freeing the slaves from the stony Pharaoh of Egypt and coming out of the closet is like comparing a plane crash to a toddler falling off of their tricycle.

I am not a supporter of the LGBTQIA+, but I do know that coming out is a very challenging process that takes a toll on someone's mental and emotional health. It strains relationships as well. However, it can never be compared to enslavement and severe torture.

With that being said, I believe this book shouldn't have been a nominee for Best Memoir & Autobiography, and it shouldn't have gotten an award from Goodreads. It is disrespectful to not only Islam but also Christianity since she uses Bible stories to justify her queerness (the Virgin Mary & Moses Freeing the Israelites). Disappointed and I'm glad I saw the warning coming when I read the description. Never will read another book by Lamya H. because of this. ( )

I found learning about her culture and experiences coming to the US interesting. Although I was interested in learning about the Muslim religion, there was too much of it in the book for my taste. ( )

Absolutely phenomenal! The way Lamya writes about queerness and faith, drawing parallels and comparisons between the two, as well as exploring how both are a massive part of her life, is beautiful and introspective. This is one I both learned so much from, related to, and will definitely recommend. ( )

audio nonfiction/memoir (7.5 hours) - genderqueer hijabi she/they who likes women writes about her life before/after immigrating to the US for college and her adult life, along with her feminist interpretation of Quran stories (semi-familiar because of similarities to Old Testament stories) and her experiences with racism, colorism, Islamaphobia, homophobia, etc.

very readable, with excellent narration. Lamya is funny and likeable, and her stories are relatable even if you've never had to navigate a new country as a queer, brown-skinned hijabi. ( )

I thought this would be interesting but it is powerful and beautiful. Lamya H not only addresses the challenge of being butch as a Muslim, but also being a person of color who deals with racism, xenophobia, and yet who chooses to live in love and justice. ( )