From That Hell Bound Train - “What brings you here?” Martin asked. “Why, you ought to know the answer to that, Martin. I came because you needed me. Tonight, I suddenly realized you were backsliding. Thinking of joining the Salvation Army, weren’t you?” “Well –“ Martin hesitated. “Don’t be ashamed. To err is human, as somebody-or-other once said. Reader’s Digest, wasn’t it? Never mind. The point is , I felt you needed me. So I switched over and came your way.” “What for?” “Why, to offer you a ride, of course. Isn’t it better to travel comfortably by train than to march along the cold streets behind a Salvation Army band? Hard on the feet, they tell me, and even harder on the eardrums.” “I’m not sure I’d care to ride your train, sir,” Martin said, “Considering where I’m likely to end up.” “Ah, yes. The old argument,” The Conductor sighed. “I suppose you’d prefer some sort of bargain, is that it?” “Exactly,” Martin answered. “Well, I’m afraid I’m all through with that sort of thing. There’s no shortage of prospective passengers anymore. Why should I offer you any special inducements?” “You must want me, or else you wouldn’t have bothered to go out of your way to find me.” The Conductor sighed again. “There you have a point. Pride was always my besetting weakness, I admit. And somehow I’d hate to lose you to the competition, after thinking of you as my own all these years.” He hesitated. “Yes, I’m prepared to deal with you on your own terms, if you insist.” “The terms?” Martin asked. “Standard proposition. Anything you want.” “Ah,” said Martin. “But I warn you in advance, there’ll be no tricks. I’ll grant you any wish you can name – but in return, you must promise to ride the train when the time comes.” “Suppose it never comes?” “It will.” “Suppose I’ve got the kind of wish that will keep me off forever?” “There is no such wish.” “Don’t be too sure.” “Let me worry about that,” the Conductor told him. “No matter what you have in mind, I warn you that I’ll collect in the end. And there’ll be none of this last-minute hocus-pocus, either. No last-hour repentances, no blonde frauleins or fancy lawyers showing up to get you off. I offer a clean deal. That is to say, you’ll get want you want, and I’ll get what I want.” “I’ve heard you trick people. They say you’re worse than a used-car salesman.” “Now, wait a minute –“ “I apologize,” Martin said hastily. “But it is supposed to be a fact that you can’t be trusted.” “I admit it. On the other hand, you seem to think you have found a way out.” “A sure-fire proposition.” “Sure-fire? Very funny!” The man began to chuckle, then halted. “But we waste valuable time, Martin. Let’s get down to cases. What do you want from me?”