Qanta Ahmed

A book about a English, US-based, Muslim docter who worked and lived for a couple of years in Saoudi Arabia and also did the Hajj in Mecca. The book has enough inside peeks to make the book worthwhile reading. But not al parts are well written.

The book goes beyond the evident limitations of women in public space in Saoudi. It lets us know how life behind the walls is, gives us insight in family life.

Most interesting is that the author, Qanta, as US-resident just in her last days before returning to New York, lives through the aftermath of 9-11 in Ryad. She is shocked by the anti US and anti Jew sentiment, even by her friends.

Some notes:
Inexplicably, the Kingdom's clerics compel non-Muslim women to veil also, a rule which is not to be found codified in the Quran.

Citing Sharia, the clerics ban women from driving cars, forbid women from buying music, prevent women from booking hotel rooms in their own names, and attempted (but failed) to dissuade female passengers from wearing seat belts in front seats of cars for fear of defining a woman's veiled cleavage.

About Mecca:
Inside, the terminal at the King Abdul Aziz airport was surprisingly small given the fifty thousand pilgrims who had been arriving here daily throughout the weeks leading up to Hajj. Many of these pilgrims were likely to be from Southeast Asia—450 flights arrive each day from Indonesia and from Pakistan another 376.10 But today I was arriving with the final influx of domestic pilgrims, traveling from within the Kingdom.

About the futile efforts to have green lawns in the desert (the royal family is going to pay a visit). They colorpainted it:

The men were not watering the grass; they were spraying it an emerald green. This was Ireland in an atomizer. The workers were coloring the dead, hurrying to finish before the Crown Prince's gaze would zoom by, perhaps peering through the bullet-proofed, tinted, heavily armored glass of his German car.

About divorce:
Over the next several hours Fatima explained to me how families resolved divorce, always with the interests of the children as the foremost consideration. Islamic teachings demarcate three stages in childhood: the age of weaning, the age of discretion, and the age of sexual maturity. Weaning usually means until about the age of two, and discretion until about the age of seven or nine (when a child can express his or her free will and understand the choices). In between, the child matures until he or she reaches the age of sexual maturity and is an adult. These stages determine custody of children in the event of a divorce. Fatima explained the custody of her children in these terms: “My eldest son is fourteen and my daughter is twelve. The littlest has just turned five years old. Faris and I decided that the eldest boy would be better served in the company of his father now that he is becoming a man, and in fact at his age the custody usually goes to the father anyway. My daughter expressed a desire to live with Faris, so she is with him. She has reached the age of discretion so she is allowed to choose where she will live.”

God forbid if something happens to Faris, even if he knows my wishes to keep the children together, Sharia law allows custody of children to be awarded to the closest male relative of a Saudi father. That might be a difficult one to fight. I don't know. Inshallah, I hope it never comes to that.

I was stunned. A divorce here truly meant the destruction of a family. Not only parents separating but brothers and sisters too. And where was the emphasis on motherhood which I had learned from the tiniest age, from my father: “first comes your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father,” in a paraphrase of The Prophet's words when asked to determine which parent is most revered in Islam.

Fatima explained that if a man did inform his wife of the desire to divorce, using the word “Talaq,” and he uttered it serially, three times, after that the marriage can only be dissolved after three months and not in that instant, a commonly held misperception. Muslims must continue to live in their married home under the same roof but retreat from sexual relations during that time. In fact the wait is determined by three cycles of the woman's period. In this way the wife will discover if she may be unknowingly pregnant and if so, the divorcing husband will be required to meet his responsibilities for the new baby. But equally important, however, is that these three months can be a useful cooling-off period in which they hopefully seek a reconciliation, which is also permitted in Islam. If the husband and wife do reconcile, at anytime during this period they are permitted to re-enter the marriage without a need for a new contract or a new ceremony or even a new mahr. I glanced at the ticking clock. It was growing late. “In fact,” Fatima continued, “this three-cycle waiting period can be repeated, but if there is mention or demand of divorce a third time, then it cannot be avoided. It becomes permanent, irrevocable. For me it became very clear Faris and I could not agree on this central issue. There was no other solution but to dissolve our fifteen-year marriage.” I wanted to know more. “In the States some couples do re-marry even after divorce. Is this allowed according to Islam?” “Yes, Qanta, a man is allowed to re-marry the same woman twice. After the third divorce she becomes haram for him to marry.

“Of course he will, Qanta. I am going to marry a man who is already married. I don't want to marry a naïve bachelor. I want to marry a man whose primary needs are already met.” I was nonplussed. She had just denied her husband the opportunity of a second wife, but she was willing to adopt that very role herself?

“But if I married a man who already had one wife, perhaps even two, then there would obviously be evenings when he didn't require me, nights that would be my own, when I can do whatever I chose, whether work at the hospital or take a bubble bath at home. I would have freedom!” “Marrying a man who is married means freedom to you?” “Yes, Qanta, of course.” And again she giggled

“Hymen reconstruction, of course, haven't you heard?

Can you believe because of her, the first research study on abused wives was published by the King Saud specialist Medical Center and it found ninety percent of the women in the study had seen their mothers go through the same abuse? Ninety percent! So they are brainwashed. They think it's normal. They cannot betray their husbands because they might lose their children; in fact, their homes, their reputations, everything.

Rania al-Baz, the battered newsreader, explained this perfectly in her October 2005 interview in The Guardian

“One funny little story comes to mind, Qanta,” David chuckled to himself in anticipation of the tale, “My wife attended a talk at the embassy given by a young woman, a member of the US Air Force, who piloted one of those huge tanker planes that do midair refueling during the Gulf War. She told us a story about her first flight into Riyadh, which even I couldn't believe. As she reached the Arabian Peninsula, she radioed the control tower to ask for clearance to land in Saudi Airspace. She was met by complete silence. There was absolutely no reply at all. She began to think her radio was faulty but continued to no avail. “Luckily her second officer was male. He tried and since his voice had the proper timbre,” and David guffawed, “He was answered in the usual protocol. The landing proceeded. After all, since women are incapable of driving a car here, the first request couldn't possibly have happened, Qanta. The apparent female voice from the aircraft must have been a djinn!… (meer)