Nina Renata Aron

A memoir that's intense, well-written, and so topically on-the-nose its manuscript must have seemed like a literary agent's dream come true. Nina Renata Aron was a Riot Grrl, lived in San Francisco back when non-CEOs could afford it, and had a stormy, passionate, and deeply dysfunctional relationship with K, a sexy, charismatic dude who had his own dysfunctional relationship with heroin and crack cocaine. What's more, her sister is a recovering heroin addict and, in another lifetime, she got married, had two kids, and drank more than her fair share. Nina has, to say the least, been to some dark places and lived to tell about it. She can also write. Her prose finely worked and effectively communicates the enormous emotional shocks that she's ridden through since her teen years. At different points during her narrative, she dips -- sometimes profitably and sometimes not -- into the history of the Prohibition movement, codependency, and Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. A former doctoral candidate, the analysis of the social forces and psychological motivations that form the background to her life are often insightful. But they might not be insightful enough to explain everything that goes on in this one.

"Good Morning, Destroyer of Men's Souls" will be of great interest to readers, like me, who enjoy lurid, emotionally charged, and deeply heartfelt midlife memoirs. The author readily admits to being one of these readers, and lists the addiction memoirs she read as a teenager as she searched for, but never quite found, a book that would describe the experience of people who live with and enable addicts. "Good Morning" might be that book, but while I may know a bit more about codependency now than I did before I read it, I'm not sure all the psychological analysis in the world can account for some of the author's life choices, which are often bafflingly terrible. This is only underlined by the fact that K, her sometime companion and apparent soulmate -- their relationship remains frustratingly open-ended when the book ends -- often seems like a distant, thoughtless, self-centered jerk, though apparently he's a pretty handsome one. It must be the bougie in me talking, or maybe just the sane person, but while it might be okay -- and maybe sort of glamorous! -- to get involved someone like him when you're young, new to San Fran, and up for some adventure, it's quite another thing to do the same when you're trying to co-parent two young kids. Especially if his pet name for you is "Pimentoloaf" Few characters I've met in a book have made me want to shake some sense into them in quite the way this author does, and I suppose it's just as well that she doesn't really try to mount a full-throated defense of all of her decisions here. Of course, she doesn't quite explain them completely, either, and codependency only explains so much, but maybe that's just beyond anyone's abilities. I'm glad that she, like the other authors of midlife memoirs I've enjoyed, has had the luck and fortitude to make it this far. Still, even though this one is skillfully put together, I wonder if it shouldn't have been titled "Things I Just Should Not Have Done," or maybe "Bad Decisions: A Love Story." One senses that the author is setting her own kids up to write their own midlife memiors someday. That's not a good look.… (meer)

This is a perfect memoir. What I appreciate most about Aron's approach to telling her story is that she did her research. Alongside her own story of codependency, she educates us on the history of it as a concept in psychology and Al-Anon's history more specifically. I was originally drawn to this because there is addiction in my family. I've never been codependent, or even an enabler, but only because addiction kind of terrifies me. It feels like a "catching disease." Those closest to it are often taken down with it. This memoir was an opportunity for me to explore what that looks like up close. And Aron is so incredibly honest in this.

I usually only give books five stars if I think they're worth reading multiple times and I didn't think it was possible for a memoir to qualify but if you like love stories, this is definitely worth multiple reads. It is inspiring and informative in its honesty. Aron really breaks down all of the things that were going on in her psyche that led to her being attracted to and staying with K, a heroin and crack addict. K's behavior is discussed a bit, but most of us know what chemically dependent drug addicts are like. What feels new is Aron's dive into her own psychology. We never get honest stories about the women who love addicts. Her love for K is beautiful and ugly. She is not always likable. She makes mistakes that seem obvious to someone who's never been codependent, who's never been addicted to this sort of dynamic. But she lays out her honest, sometimes embarrassing, thoughts through all of these moments, and you're able to understand completely why she did the things she did.

We never get honest portrayals of these sorts of relationships and Aron pretty much states that's why she wrote the book. I don't think the romance, love, and care in these sorts of relationships is shown enough so most of us don't understand why people hold on so tightly. But we also don't see the ugliness of it all enough, specifically on the codependents side, so we have no idea what leads a codependent to be in that place or how to help them out.

Lastly, I can't believe Aron went through all this, did all this research, wrote an entire book, and got it published. Very badass.… (meer)