Susan L. Carruthers

Dear John: Love and Loyalty in Wartime America by Susan L Carruthers is a fascinating history of not just the break-ups but the "romance" that led to the wartime relationship.

From wanting to have something to fight for (a spouse apparently outranks the nation, at least until things fall apart, in which case it is the spouse who is disloyal to both country and military spouse) to getting married in an attempt to avoid military service, the circumstances at the beginnings of these relationships aren't that much different from any relationship. Which leads to the question: why demonize someone for not wanting to continue a relationship? For most of US history it has been the woman demonized for military break-ups, much like they are demonized for many things in society.

Break-ups are hard, when I served on a submarine a Dear John letter would cause ripples through the boat. Even if my fellow crew member was known to party in the ports we hit it was always the wife who was considered disloyal and a cheat. Yeah, misogyny runs deep. I'm not sure it was any easier taking leave and going home to be greeted by who you thought was your partner with the information that the relationship had been over for months but she felt bad writing a letter and waited until I got home. I probably wouldn't have gone home if I had known, though no doubt I would have hurt. Which is all to say: break-ups happen and just because one person is serving is the military does not mean the other person gives up the freedom to live the life they want. Pain is independent of military service, as is how bad we take the news.

All of that commentary is just my reaction to the book. I make no attempt to express Carruthers' opinions on the matter. The book is well-researched and very even-handed in analyzing what is, for many, a touchy subject. I was only aware of a few of the ways the military, through the years, tried to control romance, marriage, and break-ups, so the history itself was quite fascinating. I particularly enjoyed how some themes were tied to their manifestations in popular culture.

Recommended for history readers, especially those interested in military history (and where it intersects with the home front). This will also interest a reader with an interest in feminism and gender studies.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.… (meer)