Garrett Cook

What happens when you mix pimps, time travel, pandas, and leather nuns inside the brain of a deranged bizarro author? You get Time Pimp by Garrett Cook.

Now, I have to admit something: The only book by Garrett Cook I've read until now was Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective, which I was not the biggest fan of. It was okay, but even accounting for its noir feel, it still felt very bleak and seemed to be missing a lot the fun that such a situation should have had. Or at least that was my take. So when I started reading “Time Pimp,” it wasn't without some apprehension.

I'm happy to say that Time Pimp came off completely differently and captures the joy that Jimmy Plush seemed to miss. Time Pimp is a fun, wild ride through time and space, from biblical times to the end of time itself and bizarre worlds with elements that seem random, and yet these random elements fit together perfectly in ways that you can't even imagine.

The story is bright and colorful. Well, about as bright and colorful as black and white printing can be, but it gives the feeling that everything is bright and colorful. Time Pimp is a pimp (well, duh!). Actually, he's not just any pimp. He is a pimp whose stable of hos are from every time and planet and can cater to every desire. His client list includes some of the most influential people in history. He is a master of alchemy, can turn basic water into cognac, and drives a giant purple time-traveling Cadillac. But, like the reader, he has no idea how time travel works. It just does.

This is not a difficult thing to overcome for the reader, however. No one (almost) knows how time travel works in this universe, but no one needs to. It's not important and doesn't distract from the story at all.

Time Pimp himself is not a caricature, despite what the description sounds like. There are four closely related stories that blend into one. Over the course of these stories, we learn that Time Pimp is actually very flawed and has a history that has led him to the point where the book starts. Time Pimp evolves, learns, and changes in excellent ways, along with other characters. We learn about his archenemy, Death Pimp, and what their relationship is. And we learn about the true nature of the psychic octopi that swim inside the absinthe in his platform shows. If I say much more, I'm afraid that I'll give too much away.

Yes, all of this fits together, and fits together beautifully in a way that surprisingly doesn't stretch the imagination. In fact, the evolution of Time Pimp and the other characters goes from being fun and funny to almost touching and thought-provoking, and not in a jarring way, either. In other words, Time Pimp doesn't jerk you around with a bunch of random and weird stuff. It evolves and actually has a grand and satisfying climax. It's more than a simple slice in the life of Time Pimp.

If I have one complaint about the book, it's the editing, which is a real shame. Cook has some really great writing and a great way of phrasing things, not to mention keeping the characters in character so that their dialogue stays consistent. But there are errors throughout the book that bug me. Like in other reviews I've written, editing errors are a pet peeve of mine, and tear the reader out of an otherwise sublime story. And there's enough in this book that I have to detract from the overall score.

If you're looking a fun read that is still definitely bizarre with good, strangely believable characters that evolve with a story that has a satisfying payoff, then Time Pimp will work nicely for you. Unless you're a little bitch. You're not a little bitch, are you?

Time Pimp by Garrett Cook earns 4 fine scotches out of 5.… (meer)

Garrett Cook takes on the hard-boiled detective noir serial genre, but with teddy bears, in Jimmy Plush: Teddy Bear Detective. It's told as a series of stories which tie together as Charles Hatbox, whose mind has been placed in the body of Jimmy Plush to pay off his gambling debts, tries to solve a series of loosely related cases in a city rife with prostitute furries and stereotypical crime bosses. But what happened to the real Jimmy Plush?

This one is genuinely hard to review, mostly because I'm not sure how I really feel about it. It's got some good elements and an authentic feel to it. Cook captures the feel and writing style of the old noir serials, racism and all. At the same time, he breaks from this in ways that feel...I don't know. Inappropriate isn't the right word. I'm probably looking for a word that's a little closer to predictable, in that he resorts to memes that seem to show up in a lot of bizarro novels, and a lot of those seem like they're tacked on just to make it a little more bizarro. At the same time, it's kind of hard to see where else Cook could have actually gone with it.

If I wanted to get philosophical, at its heart, Jimmy Plush comes down to being a novel of identity. You see, Jimmy Plush existed before Hatbox swapped bodies. And the original Jimmy Plush had a bad reputation. At first, Hatbox tries to be Jimmy Plush and act in the way people expect him to. But later, as Hatbox begins to realize who Jimmy Plush is/was, he begins to assert his own identity. It becomes a story of doing what's expected of you and who people want you to be versus being your own person. Or maybe I'm reading too much in this. It is supposed be a pulp tribute, afterall.

It's a solid novel, but it trips over itself a few times. The quality of the prose generally good and for the most part flows very easily. At the same time, the author occasionally trips a little on the flow. Hatbox is not a very likeable character, but at the same time does generate sympathy. He's kind of weird that way. The other villains, however, are generally stereotypical. Admittedly, that might be part of the point, but then again, there was a lot of unrealized potential for more interesting villains or secondary characters, which was disappointing. Ultimately, Jimmy Plush is okay, but it just didn't do much for this reviewer.

Jimmy Plush: Teddy Bear Detective by Garrett Cook earns 3 giant beef jerky sticks out of 5.… (meer)

In all honesty, this book is probably one of the biggest letdowns I've ever experienced in reading. I saw it hailed as one of the great horror/body horror books of the 21st century, but after having read it, I have to vehemently disagree.

It seems to me that the only point of this book is to shock the reader, with complete and utter disregard for characters, plot, or good writing. There are scenes (read: most of the scenes in the book) which do little to advance what little plot there is, and seem to exist only as another chance to shove a broken bottle up someone's vagina or to sexually assault some poor college student. Also, the "God" of the book is a f*cking incel, and you can't change my mind about it. He's not even a good villain; there is literally nothing relatable or interesting about his character.

I'm honestly really disappointed because I think the idea of the haunted house as a narrator is a really fantastic concept, and I was so intrigued coming into it, but I shouldn't be having to force myself to finish books like this.… (meer)