Tina Gilbertson

This book is written in large print with large line-spacing and uses graphics to fill the pages. The result is a large book that would otherwise be rather small. It is more of a manual with tests and activities. I learnt a good deal from this book about having one's emotions, and it supplements Stoic philosophy neatly in that it provides a way to "have" one's emotions without necessarily acting on them. For the Stoics, we have our emotions but it is our behaviour that is good or bad, rather than the external event. I have found Stoic philosophy useful in that through daily practice and reflection, one can learn to accept what one can and cannot control, and be "indifferent" to external events. But to be Stoic is different from being stoic, yet there is little to address the emotions that one inevitably "has", other than to choose how one reacts to one's emotions. Gilbertson's approach is like a Stoicism for the emotions. Through daily practice, one can learn to experience one's emotions through (w)allowing. An interesting approach to understanding emotions is to exchange the words think and feel in a sentence. If the words are not interchangeable, then it is a feeling. For example, "I feel angry" does not work as "I think angry". Whereas "I think I have been treated unjustly" and "I feel I have been treated unjustly" are interchangeable, hence the former is an emotion but the latter is not. Recognising and giving names to one's emotions is one approach to let emotions happen (as opposed to acting on them). Keeping a three-times daily journal to record how one feels over a two-week period is an interesting way to recognise emotional patterns and to practice recognising, naming, and experiencing one's emotions. I must admit that most of the book made me cringe a little, and I found myself unable to read it in public - the thought of someone seeing me reading this book probably explains why I scored a 14 on the test, and therefore I probably need to (w)allow in private! Like Stoic journalling, I can see the point in (w)allowing, and the drip, drip, drip of experience and reflection working to improve oneself. The final straw was on reflecting on how I feel/think, I stumbled upon "I feel guilty/I think guilty" - here I am naming my emotion. But no, there is a section devoted to guilty - being guilty is a fact, not an emotion. Obviously I have much to learn and while I still cringe at this book, I will be adding some of Gilbertson's activities to my daily journalling ritual, which at present includes James Allen (referred to by Gilbertson), La Rochefoucauld, and The Daily Stoic, and I will see what happens. I found Gilbertson's work via my subscription to Psychology Today, and I have since read many of her articles which are available online.… (meer)

The title is what drew me to this book. As a person who wallows on occasion, I thought it would be beneficial to read about how to channel that emotion into something more productive or helpful. While I am glad that Gilbertson takes the stance of letting yourself feel the emotions, I found myself only reading a page or two, then putting the book down for weeks at a time before coming back to it. I will take away the basics of this book, but it is not something I will keep on my shelf and constantly reference.… (meer)

I received "Constructive Wallowing" by Tina Gilbertson from the LibraryThings's free book giveaway.

I must say that the title was what most intrigued me to read this book, and I was enthusiastic about learning how to explore and deal with my feelings better. This book challenges the common mindset of "keeping a stiff upper lip" and "pulling yourself up by the boot straps" when we deal with difficult and hurtful situations. The idea of identifying and confronting emotions is a very scary endeavor, but many things that are worthwhile are not easy to perform.

I like how the author provides exercises to characterize feelings and details an entire action plan on how to deal with uncomfortable situations and feelings. The real life stories that are described really show how important it is to address emotions as they arise. Some of the descriptions are heartfelt and shocking, but demonstrate everyone needs to "open a window" to how they are feeling. We always hear people say that if we don't address issues, they only grow and become worse. Well, emotions follow the same formula, but many people are not taught to focus on feelings. We are often educated to just be strong and ignore them. However, facing up to our emotions actually takes a great deal of courage and fortitude.

I am glad that an entire section is devoted on choosing a therapist because many of us may need professional wisdom to deal with past and present feelings. In addition, although she describes antidepressants as not allowing us to feel, I believe that if someone truly needs them, they can still utilize her approach as part of a total mental health program. I think that if one is depressed, they may not be able to fully engage in constructive wallowing, so a little help from medication may be in order.

As a whole, I think the book was a good read. The structure and lay out was welled planned and easy to follow. I recommend this book to anyone struggling with difficult emotions and situations.… (meer)

My MIdwestern self learned early to keep a stiff upper lip. I suppose it has its advantages, but it did mean that negative feelings and reactions were suppressed- to the point that I cracked a number of teeth by clenching my teeth so often and hard.

This seems like a better way. It encourages you to really feel your feelings, rather than suppressing them- and I've only been trying to do the exercises a short time, but in that time, I have become more relaxed and happier. Felt and acknowledged, the feelings pass; sat upon- they stick around, to nobody's advantage.

I got this book through LibraryThing's Early Reviewer's program, and read it through quickly at first- but it made so much sense that I decided to work through it more carefully, and actually DO the exercises. That was a good choice on my part, because while the theory is good, the practice makes a lot of difference.

I know there are other self-help books around with a similar message. What really makes a difference for me with this one is the use of "wallowing" in the title- it got me over my stiff-upper-lip stubbornness.… (meer)