Shawn Smith PsyD

Violence rarely strikes 'out of te blue.' Whether you're dealing with a seasoned criminal or an irate individual, violence is almost always preceded by waring signs. This book teaches you how to recognize the subtle cues of aggression and stop a dangerous encounter before it starts.

Surviving Aggressive People offers realistic verbal de-escalation skills usually reserved for law enforcement, medical personnel, and those working the front lines of emotionally charged situations. In today's world, these skills are a must for everyone. This is the first 'how to' book that offers the general public practical methods for preventing aggression in schools, on the streets, and in other public places.

In plain language, using plenty of examples, this thoroughly researched book dissects the psychology of violence and provides skills to detect and deter a variety of potentially dangerous aggressors before a situation spins out of control.

This truly is a book that could save your life.

'Smith uses apt anecdotes and a narrative style that keeps the reader eager, awake, and open to turning old saws into new tools of conflict resolution. This book will earn a place with the all-too-few great practical writings on preventing and managing aggression in many contexts.'-Foreword Magazine

'Reading Shawn Smith's section on the 'testing rituals' of Expert Aggressors, I was fascinated to recognize people I had in fact encountered, and some simple methods and useful phrases for extricating myself in the future. A valuable piece of assertiveness training.'-George J. Leonard, Prof. of Interdisciplinary Humanites, San Francisco State University; author, Into the LIght of Things

'This book can save you from being a victim with its practical, simple procedures, well illustrated by numerous case studies and examples.'-Johnny Lee, Workplace Violence Speciallist, North Carolina Office of State Personnel

Shawn T. Smith is the founder of Peaceful Paths, a company that provides violence prevention training and security consulting. His work has been featured in numerous newspapers, magazines, television talk shows and radio programs such as the Joan Rivers Show.

Contents

Acknowledgments
The samurai's sons-a parable
Introduction
I The ground rules
1 Establish common ground
Scenario: the nervous taxpayer-Version One
Psychological distance
Techniques
Scenario: The nervous taxpayer-Version Two
Take the initiative
2 Don't shame the aggressor
Scenario: the cornered classmate-Version One
Feelin' little, feelin' loud
Do your duty
The little things
Accidental insults and challenges
Unintended blaming
Techniques
Shame on you, shame on me
Scenario: The cornered classsmate-Version Two
Anger: The less unpleasant emotion
3 Don't shame yourself
Scenario: The panicky client-Version One
The self-deprecation trap
Sacrificing boundaries
A blessing in disguise
Self-deprecation
Assuming a submissive posture
Confidence and sturdiness
Techniques
Scenario: The panicky client-Version Two
A country without borders
4 Choose the destination, but be flexible in the path
The unfettered mind
Techniques
The affliction of abiding in ignorance
5 Listen to your intuition
Making the most of our senses
'I had a feeling that would happen'
Step One: Willing heart and open mind
Step Two: Do your pushups every day
II Desperate aggression
6 The desperate aggressor
Scenario: The dismissed employee-Version One
Critical reaction
Characteristics
7 Early warning signs of desperate aggression
Physical warning signs
Verbal and behavioral waring signs
Early response, early detection
8 Listening, empathizing, and providing options (LEO)
Listening
Techiques
Empathizing
Techniques
Providing options
What about the larger goal?
Techniques
Putting it all together
Scenario: The dismissed employee-Version Two
What makes a success?
9 What if LEO doesn't work?
Repeat
Setting alternatives
A few words about escaping
Your use-of-force continuum
Knowing when to escape
Self-defense
A different kind of power struggle
How to become a master peacemaker
III Expert aggression
10 The expert agressor
wkhy they attack, what they want, and the warning signs
Scenario: The bullying client-Version One
11 Early wrning signs of expert aggression
Step 1: Watching the herd
Step 2: Habit, ritual, and magic
12 Testing rituals
Overaccommodation
The helpful stranger
When politeness becomes rudeness
Getting a foot in the door
The convenience store
One step at a time
Invading personal space and violating social conventions
The business trip
A small transgression
A quick inventory
Explointing sympathy and guilt
Anne and Charlie
Laying the groundwork for an attack
Know your boiundaries
exploiting insecurity and dispensing insults
Parallel parking
A brief quiz
Exploiting fear
A night on the town
The whole story
Distraction and information overload
Car shopping
A bland conclusion
Mix-and-match rituals
13 Telltale signs
Persistence
Talking too much
Contradictions between words and behavior
Triggering your intuition
14 Early response: The bottom line
Take control of the environment
Take control of the interaction
Not in it for the challenge
Scenario: The bullying client-Version Two
Nip it in the bud!
Practice, practice, practdice
IV The path to peace
Recognizing hostile intent
A word about threats
Responding
Managing your emotions
Regrouping and recovering after an attack
The peace paradox
Appendix A Escape cues
Appendix B Power phrases
Helpful phrases
Desperate aggresson
Expert aggression
Phrases to avoid
Appendix C Scenario training exercises
Scenariio 1: Dismissal
Scenario 2: No receipt, no return
Scenario 3: Parking lot helper
Scenario 4: Elevator man
Notes
Index
About the author… (meer)