Janis Abrahms Spring

I read this as a necessity, working on a personal issue, and rebuilding trust, after the affair. I noted many points, and interestingly not the same as my wife underlined. The approach is that of a cognitive-behavioral therapist.
"Fully commit to the process of re-connecting"
"If I didn't love him so much, I couldn't tolerate the way he treats me"
"Build on small, shared rituals"
"How can I trust you again, after so much damage"
Flip-flop - personality traits have negative and positive connotations: A stressed, driven person can also appeal to the spouse as productive, effective and responsible
There are low cost and high cost behaviors to heal the relationship: the high cost behaviors are all the responsibility of the unfaithful partner.
Sex differences in conversation: Females value empathy, males give advice.
"If your partner has decided to re-commit it is likely to be because you offer something deeper and longer lasting than romantic love"
"Resolution of trauma is never final, recovery is never complete"
Mental note to not summon up fiery material as one reflects on the affair… (meer)