Yaw

I have heard of other reviewers who speak of writings they cannot finish. I have not encountered a writing I could say this about.

That is, until now.

First off, let’s start with the submitted blurb, outlining what the story is about:

Blurb:

A man called Kwame Mac-White Blackteng unfolds a tragic incident in his life that for some reasons managed to subjugate that scar on his will but proof futile. The barbaric treatment and injustice suffered; under such a heartless woman, called Mrs. Mensah when just as a teenager leaves him to his fate, until the rescued by the American Missionary.

It is not a good sign when I’m proofreading and making adjustments to the blurb inside my head. Yet, I decided to try and give this piece the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe the person was in a hurry.

Maybe the person couldn’t quite fully put into words what he was writing about.

By chapter four, I had to cease and desist.

I’m sure this has the makings of a wonderful story but I couldn't get to the story because I found myself stopping too much to proofread.

Although I like the inclusion of pictures in this short story, I would have loved for a couple to have been clearer in resolution so that I could see how they tie into certain parts of the story, especially the one which reads “Kwame strapped behind the car’s boot”. This would have definitely tugged at my heart strings if I could see Kwame clearly in the picture.

Misused punctuation, fragments and run-on sentences, improper spacing, and hard to interpret meanings behind some of the words made Kwame’s Passage feel like a testament of the readers' endurance in deciphering rather than a story where we can celebrate Kwame’s triumph. Proofreading by skilled individuals could definitely serve as an investment for any future writings by this author.

My extended review can be found on my site, The Review Board:
http://theunleashedreviewboard.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/unleashed-speaks-on-kwam...… (meer)