At first, when I opened STUFF OF LEGENDS and read the prologue, where Jordan the Red in the prime of his life topples the throne of an evil Witch Queen, and read, "The throne was magnificent, in an artisan-evil way...", I was delighted. It's so funny! And it pokes fun at the conventions of fantasy! I cracked the spine and settled in to read a book that I hoped would follow through on that promise, and actually be different than a conventional fantasy.

But here's the thing: STUFF OF LEGENDS is exactly like a conventional fantasy, except that it persistently mocks itself. Reading it is like going to see a big summer blockbuster, something that is heavy on the explosions and light on...everything else...with a snarky friend whose running commentary prevents you from enjoying a single moment of the movie. Gibson provides the movie, and the running commentary.

The aging hero of the novel, Jordan the Red, will instruct, "Don't ever say that it's too quiet, that's just asking for an ambush..." And then, lo and behold, shortly thereafter someone will observe that it's too quiet and the ambush will arrive on cue. But instead of being surprising or scary (like an ambush ought to be), it's a joke. And because that's the pattern, the gimmick, the entire plot of the entire novel is a joke. Most of the major turning points in the novel are like that, pulled straight out of "Derivative Fantasy Writing 101" (and then mercilessly mocked).

If that's not enough to totally rupture your suspension of disbelief, Gibson's got backups - he constantly makes observations like this one, about fishing with cricket lures: "crickets rarely went swimming with barbed metal piercings, not even rebellious teenage crickets." It's clever, witty, snappy, well phrased, but it also reminds you of rebellious pierced teenagers in the real world, which pops you right out of the alternate reality.

Heroes in Gibson's world aren't self-motivated adventurers. They're more like actors. They contract with a "talent agent" who buys villains from "Central Casting." The Central Casting villains are all designed with an Achilles Heel, the hero is well briefed about the Achilles Heel, and he's sent off to his epic battle. The problem is, the hero's adventures may be scripted and planned but they're not imaginary. So all the people who die along the way are really dead, helpless villagers and brave soldiers alike. Basically, the "talent agent" is a psychopathic murderer and the heroes are his henchmen.

Jordan the Red, the most successful hero of his day, eventually got tired of all the senseless killing and retired. And because of Jordan, we know right off the bat that the real villain of the novel is his talent agent, Glister Starmacher. So it's very frustrating that instead of finding, and eliminating, the real problem we get a novel where Jordan is more or less forced to do an encore. He's grey-haired, creaky, surly, and cynical...but he's not smart enough to pick a different kind of story, to set off in his own direction. Instead he plays his part. He's stoic, capable, clever, and he saves the day when Starmacher sets a plot in motion.

The whole world seems to be somehow enslaved to the laws of narrative. That's part of the "Don't say it's too quiet" thing. And the characters are, too. They can't break out of their roles. Jordan doesn't want to be a hero, but he can't help it. Eliott doesn't want to be a useless little brat, but he can't rise above his place. Cyral, the bard, wants to be a bard - he's the only one more or less content to serve his designated purpose.

At one point, the characters have the opportunity to destroy Central Casting. And I kept thinking: would someone at least point out that if they really want to save the day, they'd let it burn to the ground? But nobody does.

So, to summarize. Gibson has written a conventional fantasy, chock full of cheap plot twists that he telegraphs in advance (and a couple that are legitimately clever and surprising), peopled by characters who are sufficiently self-aware to point out every flaw, and language that interrupts the most persistent attempts to suspend disbelief. He creates real conflict, but fills the novel with an obvious - a very, very obvious - distraction. Even worse, he tells us in the first chapter how the novel will end, in case we were tempted to feel some anticipation.

I found STUFF OF LEGENDS infuriating. It's as close to a wallbanger as I've ever read - because this author is smart and writes well and he knows what he's doing (he tells us so, again and again) and yet he has nonetheless written a book it is almost impossible to enjoy. ( )

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What do you get when you cross a typical fantasy world with a mass produced media tripe such as we are so used to in our world? You get the “Stuff of Legends”. Heroes go out into the world to save the damsel, defeat the evil wizard and assorted other hero’esque stuff but behind it all is Glister Starmacher and the crew at Central Casting.

Elliott, a spoiled and none to bright Nobles son has just turned 15 (though I have to admit that he sounds and acts much more like an 8-9 year old than a teenager) and his Elvin babysitter has gifted him with some Elvin magic to produce his most desired wish. Elliott promptly uses it to track down Jordan the Red (the greatest hero evah) so that Elliott and Jordan can embark on a Awesomely Heroic Adventure. The main issue in this is that Jordan retired 20 years ago and is none to pleased to have this snot nosed brat show up at his doorstep. Of course Jordan stands no chance because Elliott just happens to get in touch with Glister who sets the gears a turn'n to bring Jordan out of retirement.

Stuff of Legends is a spoof on standard heroic style fantasy. There are many gags and one liners that touch on other books and movies and in many cases it does work out pretty decently. Don’t expect deep characters, a complex plot or anything special, it’s a averagely written story that doesn't offer any twists or surprises that stand out.

It is a light, fast and average read. No characters really seemed to do much for me and the kid was really a negative,

5.5/10 ( )