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Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do About It (2015)

door Kate Harding

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2841392,299 (4.38)Geen
"From Congressman Todd Akin's "legitimate rape" gaffe to the high school rapists of Steubenville, Ohio, to the furor at Vanderbilt, sexual violence has been so prominent in recent years that the feminist term "rape culture" has finally entered the mainstream. But what, exactly, is it? And how do we change it? In Asking for It, Kate Harding answers those questions in the same blunt, bullshit-free voice that has made her a powerhouse feminist blogger. Combining in-depth research with practical knowledge, Asking for It makes the case that twenty-first-century America-where it's estimated that out of every 100 rapes only 5 result in felony convictions-supports rapists more effectively than victims. Harding offers ideas and suggestions for how we, as a culture, can take rape much more seriously without compromising the rights of the accused. "-- "If American women couldn't laugh about the way we discuss rape in this culture, half of us would be sobbing constantly, while the other half, one can only assume, would be arming themselves for the revolution. In the last few years, a series of Republican politicians have introduced memorable phrases into the American lexicon that reveal their automatic suspicion of women who report rape: "forcible rape," "honest rape," "legitimate rape," and "emergency rape" are some choice favorites. These qualified terms reveal what a lot of Americans--too many of them in public office--believe down deep: There's rape, and then there's rape-rape. Disturbingly, most of us do support rape, whether in subtle ways ("All women should take self-defense classes!") or blatantly misogynistic ones ("Hot sex with a crazy bitch"). That's how culture works. You're soaking in it. This is the first book since 2008's Yes Means Yes! to tackle the subject of rape culture, and I'm pretty sure it's the first non-academic, single-author book since the 1990s to examine sexual assault as a social phenomenon. Harding explores how rape culture manifests itself via media narratives about sexual assault victims and perpetrators--and how those change, depending on the age, race, sexual orientation, gender identity and fame of both victim and offender. Through that lens, she will take a close look at the three pillars of rape culture--excusing the accused, blaming the victim, and insisting that individual women can and must protect themselves from rape"--… (meer)
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1-5 van 12 worden getoond (volgende | toon alle)
Now that I'm finished, I must say this was hard to read/listen to, but it really cleared up a lot of cobwebs regarding the rape mythos I've learned up to now. Incredibly, she even meets the crude caveman terminology with clear logic and reasoning. I doubt I will ever see this topic in any other way, and am thankful that I have read this book and the feminine point of view, especially for my wife and daughter and how they have to deal with the world. ( )
  Brian-B | Nov 30, 2022 |
Trigger warning: the following review only talks in the broadest terms about the topic of this book, but I've wrapped it in spoilers anyways.


So, first off- while the majority of this book discusses and deals with the broad picture issues- the statistics behind rape, common myths used to perpetuate rape culture-- it also contains a number of descriptions of heartbreaking incidents. It's not an easy read.

I had a conversation with two acquaintances last week in which they started to argue the usual victim blaming bullshit. I tried to change their views, but found myself fumbling to explain what felt like self-evident truths-- that there's no such thing as "asking for it", that false accusations of rape are rare, that rape doesn't generally happen "by accident", that there's value in teaching affirmative consent.

By the end of that conversation I was dismayed-- not just that people I knew held such backwards beliefs, but that we'd had an honestly frank discussion about rape and I was not able to convince them they were wrong.

This book was well-written, informative, and empathetic without (despite the topic) being emotionally impossible to read. It provided me with some strong arguments to try next time I run into victim blaming, and further motivation to speak up.

( )
  MCBacon | Aug 2, 2021 |
Much like Katha Pollitt's book, Pro, is nominally about abortion but is really about women's rights in America, this book is about rape, but is also really about women's rights here in the United States (despite the fact some rapes are not upon females.) While Pollitt takes a bit more formal debate club approach to presenting her case, this author is more of the center of attention at the social party, demanding your attention with great verve and style. Much of what is presented in this book reminded me of many years ago during my last semester of college, I presented a research paper intending to connect a particular communications theory to battered spouse syndrome. The concept of a battered wife was just taking hold in America and had just started to be introduced to law enforcement and in the courts as a viable defense. As I started to itemize the concept of battered spouses to the class, a female student sitting directly in front of me had her jaw drop and her eyes became the size of cannonball targets. At the time, I thought I must have been describing her relationship with her boyfriend. Later, it occurred to me that she may have just been extremely naive about such matters. (Would she have been equally naive about date rape?) I mention this only because many of the stories presented in this book about rape reminded me a great deal of the state of battered spouses back then. And yet, I would argue that both wife battering and rape culture in America are similar means of degrading women and are similarly not going away with any rapidity. You notice I said not going away while the author's book subtitle mentions the "rise" in rape culture. Rise? Anyone familiar with black civil rights figure, Fannie Lou Hamer? Hamer's grandmother had 23 children, 20 of which were the result of rape. Such was the lot of black southern women in her time. Is it possible to have a "rise" in rape culture from that point? And is spouse battering really so much better handled now than earlier? A woman was arrested, charged, and sentenced in such a case. What had she done? She had fired a gun into the ceiling to warn off her belligerent male partner. Nobody was killed or even injured. Just firing a gun to scare off her partner from hurting her. But she was sentenced to 20 years in prison. And yet, the author ends her book on a rather optimistic note about how colleges are finally getting more serious about adjudicating rape complaints. Good, good. But what about the military? How much better is that rape culture in light of the "new improved" but watered down Department of Defense policy changes recently adopted. And lordy, how will non-college, non-military women get relief without a major institution managing their rape complaints appropriately? I found the author extremely engaging in what she had to say and her information valuable, especially to anyone faced directly with our rape culture, but I felt totally caught off guard by her book's excessively positive ending. ( )
  larryerick | Apr 26, 2018 |
I listened to this audiobook in a few short days. It’s taken me longer to write the full review than to listen to the book, because I want to get it right. Once you start listening, I’ll wager you can’t stop. It’s heartbreaking and hopeful. It’s depressing and inspiring. Harding clearly did her research, but she also has a stake in the story. We all do. Rape culture isn’t the world we want to leave for our daughters and granddaughters. And awareness is the first place to start. If you’re looking for the backstory to #MeToo, this is the place to start.

I hope you'll read my full review at The Bibliophage! ( )
  TheBibliophage | Mar 20, 2018 |
Asking For It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture--and What We Can Do about It by Kate Harding  I knew this would be an informative book, but I didn't expect to enjoy it this much. It's the kind of book that should be read and analyzed and discussed in classes and prevention training sessions everywhere. 
 It's been on my TBR since about the time it was published but I just now got it together to read it. I usually hate talking about rape, particularly when I'm already talking about feminism. For years, I had viewed rape and abortion as the only two things feminists talked about and I hated that. That was when I was still in the primary target age and it terrified me to be reminded that often. As I've embraced the label of feminist in recent years, it's taken me a while to be okay with talking about rape. It took a while to find my voice in it, but this book would have helped me do that sooner.
See, I'm only slightly younger than the author, so I remember those times in the '90s when it almost seemed like people cared. I remember ingesting all the messages from television and schools that almost made it seem like it wouldn't have been my fault, except that everyone knew it really would have been because it's always actually about how not-cautious and unprepared the victim was. No one was saying yet that we should just teach people not to rape. No one was using the word consent, not around me.
Just as Harding contends, the landscape is changing now and it's changing in a beautiful way. The generation that is coming up now is amazing in its embrace of that the victim didn't invite it, couldn't have invited it. Harding writes beautifully about the problems we've seen in recent decades and the amazing things that were happening around the writing of the book and the things that look like they are on our horizon.
She writes with an entertaining style that was both friendly and firm. She does not let us delude ourselves about the world we live in but she does provide hope and paths to new understandings. Rape has been talked about and taught about one way for so long that changing the conversation isn't going to happen immediately, but her book is another in a line of books that are changing the conversation from "why was she there" "what was she wearing" to "why did he do that". But she doesn't miss the opportunity to stand up for men and that they can be victims too, of each other and of women. She doesn't miss the opportunity to talk about the fact that there are lots of men out there who are perfectly great and respectful partners that don't rape. But there are those who do and we aren't calling them out near enough.
There's lots of information in this book that I had before but there is lots that I didn't. Everyone should read the book, talk about it with others, and analyze it along with the world around them. It's important to talk about rape and consent.
Something not mentioned in the book, but that I would like to add to the conversation is that it is never too early to talk about consent because it is a part of everything at every age. We've been using that word in situations with my son since he was about 3 years old (he's six now). It came up when he expressed that he didn't like being squeezed when we hug him. Instead of using the kind of language that is usually reserved for children of this age, we made the conscientious decision to use the word consent. Hugs must be consented to each time and the appropriate level of squeeze is negotiated throughout. There must be enthusiastic consent to hug any one at any time and that is reinforced with visitors to our home. Or tickle. Or wrestle with. Or touch. Or smooch. Or help him in the bathroom. Or call him by any nickname. Or label him in any way.
I feel like part of the problem with talking about what affirmative consent is and looks like is that we reserve it for discussing sex. That may be too sensitive a topic to start with and it's definitely too old for them to just be learning the concept. By then, we have waited until they've gotten used to being able to touch without asking for it and being touched without giving it. We have waited until they have determined that we can't be that serious about it because they've already done so many things they weren't allowed to do. So we started using consent early.
Pick up this book. Read it. Talk about it. Talk about consent. Use it in everyday situations. Don't miss an opportunity to increase your knowledge of rape culture and your ability to be a part of changing the conversation and helping the next generation improve things. ( )
  Calavari | Jul 16, 2017 |
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"From Congressman Todd Akin's "legitimate rape" gaffe to the high school rapists of Steubenville, Ohio, to the furor at Vanderbilt, sexual violence has been so prominent in recent years that the feminist term "rape culture" has finally entered the mainstream. But what, exactly, is it? And how do we change it? In Asking for It, Kate Harding answers those questions in the same blunt, bullshit-free voice that has made her a powerhouse feminist blogger. Combining in-depth research with practical knowledge, Asking for It makes the case that twenty-first-century America-where it's estimated that out of every 100 rapes only 5 result in felony convictions-supports rapists more effectively than victims. Harding offers ideas and suggestions for how we, as a culture, can take rape much more seriously without compromising the rights of the accused. "-- "If American women couldn't laugh about the way we discuss rape in this culture, half of us would be sobbing constantly, while the other half, one can only assume, would be arming themselves for the revolution. In the last few years, a series of Republican politicians have introduced memorable phrases into the American lexicon that reveal their automatic suspicion of women who report rape: "forcible rape," "honest rape," "legitimate rape," and "emergency rape" are some choice favorites. These qualified terms reveal what a lot of Americans--too many of them in public office--believe down deep: There's rape, and then there's rape-rape. Disturbingly, most of us do support rape, whether in subtle ways ("All women should take self-defense classes!") or blatantly misogynistic ones ("Hot sex with a crazy bitch"). That's how culture works. You're soaking in it. This is the first book since 2008's Yes Means Yes! to tackle the subject of rape culture, and I'm pretty sure it's the first non-academic, single-author book since the 1990s to examine sexual assault as a social phenomenon. Harding explores how rape culture manifests itself via media narratives about sexual assault victims and perpetrators--and how those change, depending on the age, race, sexual orientation, gender identity and fame of both victim and offender. Through that lens, she will take a close look at the three pillars of rape culture--excusing the accused, blaming the victim, and insisting that individual women can and must protect themselves from rape"--

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