Not only as bad but actually worse than you’ve heard. Ruined my day. ( )

The book made me uncomfortable because it made me feel weird about what it means to be a non-trans person thinking about trans people as trans people rather than just as people. I'd be really curious to learn how the book reads to trans folk. There were some funny bits and some fairly poignant bits but mostly it read to me like young-adult literature with more swear words and more explicit sex. Even the funny and poignant bits were hard to take in, since as a cis person, it's hard even to know whether I'm allowed to read a thing as funny or poignant or whether even those readings -- sympathetic as they are -- constitute a sort of appropriation by a person of privilege. I can't and wouldn't use certain racial epithets, for example, while it's acceptable for members of the groups they've historically been applied to to use them. Is it ok, then, for me to partake in the sort of behind-the-curtain view of the world that this book purports to give glimpses of while not belonging quite to that part of its world? Probably I should just read books instead of thinking about thinking about what thinking about the reading of them means. ( )

my feelings about this book are complicated. i think her idea of "what if someone did this terrible thing" is a valid one, and seeing where it goes could be a reasonable exploration of identity, self, sexuality, gender expression/identity, and moral ambiguity. i think, on its face, her idea toes the line of offensive, but is potentially an interesting thought experiment.

the pros:
- the writing is really good, actually. i didn't think so at first, but that's because i didn't like the way the main character spoke, and all the offensive things he thought/said. i think it pretty accurately reflects a teenager and his outlook, though, and as the book went on i realized how well it was written.
- it's really readable. i probably read the entire thing in 3 or 4 sittings.
- i thought she did a really good job, actually, in making someone who is making really bad, offensive decisions, if not relatable, at least understandable. i felt like i'd read something adam said/did and would be totally appalled, and then think back to being 17, and imagining not knowing anything about the queer community or trans people, being self-absorbed (because, again 17 years old), and finding that while i didn't like what he was doing, i understood why he'd do it. she made him as sympathetic as possible, considering. if anyone else was the main character in the book, adam would be the villain. but because he's the protagonist, we have to see more about why he makes the mistakes he does, and she takes us through that deftly.
- the tone was generally light, but she actually gave a good amount of information about the queer and trans community. there were a lot of trans characters, and she made sure there were always allies to gender them correctly.
- she very much normalized lesbians being attracted to and sleeping with trans men.
- she described someone falling into an activist circle well. casey was learning, too (it wasn't just adam), and she wasn't always sure where she should fall on issues, and allowed her new friends to guide her quite a bit. i think we all do this as both as we come into new friend groups if we're insecure or shy, and also as we learn about issues that other people are more well-versed in. i thought her assuredness being questioned at the gay marriage rally was a good representation of this.
- she has adam becoming, at last, understanding at the end. not at trans camp, where he finally starts to get it, but later when he starts really studying gender. i could see him doing good and really making a difference later. it's not the redemption the story deserved, though.
- i generally appreciate explorations of identity and gender. this takes that theme and twists it around in a way that ends up making it not actually much of an exploration of identity or gender, but is still an interesting premise. turning something on its head is also a useful thought experiment, and having the queer, trans body be what is coveted might not be realistic, but is great.

the cons:
- i mean, the main character pretends to be trans. any putting on the costume of an oppressed class of people, especially for personal gain, is gross.
- his girlfriend says she's a lesbian, and it's like she is "cured" of this by having sex with his real penis. it didn't feel weird that she slept with him knowing he was cis (although he needed to have repercussions), but it felt weird that she continued to sleep with cis guys after him. (not if this was her story. she gets to be bi if that's what she is, but this felt much more like the old trope of the lesbian turning straight once she has some real dick. and it's particularly hurtful when that comes from a lesbian writer.)
- how can he lie like that and not face any (literally, any!) consequences? even if you're his girlfriend and you can understand (like myself as a reader could) why he fell into this lie and could see it just get out of control and out of his hands, you can't really be ok with this lie being told to you, can you? you can't feel like you know him when he'd lie about something that big.
- ok, so gillian somehow didn't mind that her boyfriend was lying to her about being trans (and all the layers of lying that had to go into both sleeping with her and telling her about his history), but also ethan didn't care that he pretended to be trans? he thought it was funny? again, i found myself able to go with it when reading it, but i really don't think that being there in front of him, that i could forgive that. especially if i was trans myself.
- the other lie is equally important, even if not on an emotional level. he is 17 and she is 22. she is unknowingly (and then once knowingly) committing an illegal act every time they hook up because of the lies he tells her. i hate when authors do this, when they could just make the character 18 and avoid this mess.
- there are real, awful stories about (usually) straight men who feel tricked by trans women and who then commit unspeakable acts of violence upon those (and other) trans women. i worry that this, to some degree, plays into that. people claim to be afraid of what adam did here - pretend to be trans to be around a bunch of women to try to sleep with (or assault/attack) them.

i'm not sure she got the point she was making quite across. i think that he would have needed to face some much more immediate and significant consequences for his lying and appropriation to be the book she intended. (although maybe she isn't sure about the book she intended. mostly i read about her wanting to explore this "what if" scenario, but i also read one interview where she said that the point of the book was that gillian wasn't allowed to not be a lesbian. if that's true, it's nowhere in the text of the book until the end (and not really even there). so i think that overall this was an interesting, if dangerous, premise, that made for a pretty good read, but wasn't executed as well as it should have been for such a touchy subject. schrag used to write (for some amount of time) for the l word, a show that was problematic over and over again, so part of me also just wonders if she misses the nuance or doesn't quite "get it" enough to do this tastefully, or without offending people. ( )

Congratulations, I didn't think I'd be more disgusted by a book's mere existence than 50 Shades of Rape and Abuse, but here we go. Gold medal to Ms. Schrag (and in case I'm being too subtle, that was sarcasm). ( )

I was rather entertained by this book! It's fun and a little bit frothy and a pleasure to read. ( )