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Runner

door Parker Williams

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Matt Bowers's life ended at sixteen, when a vicious betrayal by someone who he should have been able to trust left him a shell of himself, fighting OCD and PTSD, living in constant fear and always running. When he buys a remote tract of land, he thinks he's found the perfect place to hide from the world and attempt to establish some peace. For ten years, he believes he's found a measure of comfort, until the day a stranger begins to run on Matt's road. He returns every day, an unwelcome intrusion into Matt's carefully structured life. Matt appeals to the local sheriff, who cannot help him since the jogger is doing nothing wrong. Gradually, after tentatively breaking the ice, Matt begins to accept the man's presence-but when the runner doesn't show up one day, it throws Matt's world into chaos and he must make the hardest decision of his life.… (meer)
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Matt was traumatized as a sixteen-year-old when his teacher asked him for a ride, only to end up in a field with the man trying to sexually assault him. The teacher ended up in prison for a few years and Matt ended up with a three million dollar settlement from the school district, which he used to buy some land far outside of town, where he doesn't really have to deal with anyone at all. That suits Matt fine, because since the attack, he's been plagued with PTSD and OCD. But then someone starts jogging out on the lonely road that Matt calls home. At first Matt's angry at the man (Charlie), wondering why he won't jog elsewhere and leave him in peace. But then Charlie becomes a part of Matt's routine, and when he doesn't show up one day, Matt knows that something needs to change.

This book started out really strong for me, but I found that I liked it less and less as I kept reading further. Is it wrong that I was a bit jealous of Matt's set-up? Because if I could afford it, I would totally withdraw from society (except for maybe an internet connection) and hide out in some cabin built on twenty acres of isolated Maine land, just saying.

I did like the portrayal of Matt's OCD. I have more than a touch of that myself (mine mostly manifests through obsessive counting patterns, everything having to have its own place, mental checklists/patterns that need to be followed, not allowing people into my house because I'm afraid they will "mess everything up," and everyone's favorite - obsessive hand washing) and I thought that, at first, Matt's OCD was done well. Once he and Charlie become a couple, however, I felt like Matt's OCD was tempered too easily. I hate the "oh you're in a relationship now so your mental problems will begin to fade because you just needed someone to LOVE you" trope, and it's definitely present here. OCD often is exacerbated by close relationships, because it is so grating to have someone messing up routines and patterns. Matt does have some trouble adjusting, but nowhere near the amount that I would expect, especially since he has been so isolated for so long.

I'm also not here to criticize Matt having PTSD and OCD, but I really feel like it was, shall we say, an overexaggeration on his part, considering what happened? Yes, his teacher did attempt to rape him, and that's bad, and of course there will be trauma involved. But his level of PTSD and OCD seemed to be much higher than one would expect from the circumstances that triggered it. I am not explaining this well (sorry, a bit high), but hopefully the meaning is coming across, at least. I would have expected the rape to have been perpetrated, for example, for the levels of PTSD and OCD that Matt has to feel more congruent with the events.

I also wonder why Matt wasn't "forced" by his mother to continue counselling. He was a minor (sixteen) when this happened. It was obvious that he needed a lot of help, but he just kind of said, yeah, not doing this, and she allowed him to be that way, even though his life was SEVERELY impacted and continued to get worse. I mean, if it was my kid, sorry, but you're going to therapy and that is just the way it is going to be.

And I found it weird that Charlie didn't know what had happened to Matt. Granted, he was a new guy in town, but it seemed like everyone still talked about the "incident," or at least Matt felt like they did. Why didn't he overhear from SOMEONE what had made Matt withdraw from his family and the town in general? I felt that was unrealistic. All of the little towns I've ever lived in have THRIVED on gossip.

Also, let me express how much I HATE that Clay (Matt's brother) and Matt's mother SET UP his meeting with Charlie in the first place, in an attempt to draw him out. I was surprised when this bombshell was revealed, and although Matt didn't initially respond well to it, I felt like he got over it way too quickly, especially considering what a basic and profound breach of trust this was. Granted, Charlie ended up falling for him, and it DID make sense because Charlie seemed too damned persistent otherwise, but...no sir, I didn't like it.

In general, I thought that Charlie was too overwhelming. He was so incredibly sweet, unbelievably so, saying that he'd be okay to never have sex again in his life as long as he could be with Matt (does...that actually happen in real life? That seems so weird to me. I mean, I loved my one serious girlfriend and made some crazy accommodations for her and her "I'm still in the closet and always will be so you can only be my 'friend' to the outside world" shit, but...I don't know if I could have committed to that kind of sexless relationship for the rest of my life.) It's especially strange since Charlie and Matt had only known each other for six months at that time.

And he's just so considerate of Matt's OCD, saying that he will adjust to the patterns and rhythms and behaviours that Matt needs. That's...difficult. Admirable, but extremely difficult. I mean, imagine living with someone who insists that you must use hand sanitizer as soon as you come home from work, strip completely out of your clothes, use hand sanitizer again, go wash your hands in the bathroom (BUT NOT THE KITCHEN) sink, dry your hands, throw all clothes into the washer and begin to wash them, use hand sanitizer again, get dressed in clean "house clothes" that you can ONLY wear in the house and can never go out in public wearing (even to the mailbox), use hand sanitizer again, put hand sanitizer on the doorknob you used to get into the house, use hand sanitzer AGAIN, and ONLY THEN are you allowed to do anything else? (That's my real daily after work routine, by the way). Could you do this the rest of your life? It's hard, especially when the pattern doesn't make much sense to you.

I also disliked that there was a year gap and we didn't see Matt getting therapy or improving slowly. He went from being virtually housebound to being much more free in his movements and his OCD being much less severe. I like the in-between parts best! And they were missing from this book. :(


So most of this review was spoilery...sorry. I'd definitely try this author again, and I don't think that this book is necessarily bad, to say. I just didn't enjoy it as much as I would have liked. ( )
  schatzi | Aug 5, 2017 |
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Matt Bowers's life ended at sixteen, when a vicious betrayal by someone who he should have been able to trust left him a shell of himself, fighting OCD and PTSD, living in constant fear and always running. When he buys a remote tract of land, he thinks he's found the perfect place to hide from the world and attempt to establish some peace. For ten years, he believes he's found a measure of comfort, until the day a stranger begins to run on Matt's road. He returns every day, an unwelcome intrusion into Matt's carefully structured life. Matt appeals to the local sheriff, who cannot help him since the jogger is doing nothing wrong. Gradually, after tentatively breaking the ice, Matt begins to accept the man's presence-but when the runner doesn't show up one day, it throws Matt's world into chaos and he must make the hardest decision of his life.

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