Okay, I HAVE MIXED EMOTIONS!!

WHAT WAS THAT ENDING??? FRT, WHAT HAPPENED? TOOK MY DUMB BRAIN A TRIP TO REDDIT TO MAYBE DECIPHER IT. IDK, I STILL AM UNSURE WHAT IT EXACTLY ENTAILS. IS IT OPEN TO INTERPRETATION? IS IT ONLY COMPREHENSIBLE TO TRUE DARK ACADEMIA FANS? I got lost in the Reddit wormhole.

*deep breaths*

Rating: 3.5/5

This book, for some reason was dnf'd a while ago. I picked it up again from the beginning because I have heard so much about it and I also barely remembered a thing. For the first half of the book, I was just struggling to connect with the narrative. I sort of understood what was happening but I could not reason with myself to like it. I was just so disconnected.

This continued on until the story took a drastic turnaround and I wanted to get to the end, ASAP.

This is the poetic, obsessive, and inherently toxic tale of Paul and Julian, who would not flinch to go to the ends of the earth to show the depths of their love for each other. If only they knew what to say and when to say it. The level of 'twisted' increases as the story unravels and I was all for it.

The writing is impeccable and it strings you along as the two MCs unravel their mysterious and almost sadistic minds. The story is from Paul's point of view so our understanding of Julian is mostly fed by his idea of Julian. I would totally read a TVD - Julian's perspective. I think that would be amazing.

I am only rating it a 3.5 because I cannot confidently say that I love my entire experience of reading this book. I can say I love the ending but I am still divided about my ultimate opinion. ( )

It's somehow both undercooked and kinda bloated, in some weird complicated way I can't really explain. And considering the subject matter, it's a surprisingly easy read.

Sooo, 3.5 stars, I guess. ( )

Paul and Julian, two social outsiders who initially become friends in a first-year ethics class in 1970s Pittsburgh, are the focus of the book. Paul, who is excruciatingly shy and awkward, is drawn to Julian's easy charm and excellent looks like a moth to a flame. The boys' friendship quickly develops into something far more intimate and dangerously co-dependent, much to the dismay of their families, as each accentuates the other's worst ideals, insecurities, and urges. Paul starts looking for an allegiance that will permanently bind him to Julian as their connection becomes more destructive, but neither of them is anticipating the destruction their act of fealty will bring.
The book is a psychological masterwork that keeps the reader in suspense for probably a little too long. ( )

it's violent, as the name says. ( )

A dark, melancholic, and disturbing character study that revels in its patience while ratcheting up suspense and dread one step at a time.

It's hard to define what this is. It is and isn't a thriller. It leans into literary prose, but I wouldn't call this literary fiction. It's that middle ground, an upmarket story about two young men and the disturbing bond they find within each other. ( )