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Football for Dummies

door Howie Long

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Provides an insider's look at the game, discussing such topics as playing fields; equipment; rules; offensive and defensive players; children's, school, and college play.
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Toon 4 van 4
Football isn’t one of my favorite sports; granted that say golf at first sight doesn’t seem all that cool for a non-retiree aged person, in American football it kinda just seems like they’re Trying to hurt each other. I prefer soccer, for example—I know; I’ll never be able to live in the South. But I already knew that: I’m a vegetarian.

But football in a pretty popular thing in this country, and I’m glad I know a bit about it. I’ve known most of the basic rules since I was a kid—it was the only sport my dad really had me watch, aside from baseball, although unlike baseball he never had me play. I always assumed that to really understand football, though, I’d have to read extensively about the rules and the reasons behind the various fouls: but really, it turns out, the reason is just, Because those are the rules, or, Because it isn’t another sport, you know.

But football isn’t actually that difficult to understand from a purely entertainment perspective, as opposed to a football-strategy one, you know.

Some people like football. I don’t really care for it, much—I feel like football (fútbol) is macho enough, even if you don’t play it by John Wayne rules, you know. But it’s not an issue of morality vs immorality, you know. Maybe it’s a little square, right. For me. Although some people love those commercials, that energy—those zombies are gonna die a violent death, at least three times, maybe four….

…. Part of it is just how it’s presented, you know. Football is, The Greatest Sport. (Or, in my childhood, the greatest autumn/winter sport.) And then, just knowing you have a choice. For me it’s ~not~ the greatest sport, you know.

But I can watch it. It’s too much, but it’s watchable.

…. I mean, I wouldn’t call it stupid; in a sense, it’s obviously complex—many moving parts, for example. I actually don’t think very physical things are inherently dumb; very often with physical competition comes a mandate to understand-to-conquer, you know. That’s a very strong correlation in life in general. But in life, in my opinion, discretion is usually the better part of valor, and that’s just not the football way. There’s just no part of the game that isn’t over-the-top; it’s never quiet, so in that sense there’s little variation, you know.

…. Such drama on the gridiron; I’m not sure I feel it. Also like I said there’s not a good flow to the games; they’re slow, and each play is a heavy-hitter. They should just relax, you know.

(shrugs) (laughs)

…. Just a general sports point: I watch games that are I guess historic in the recentist world of sports, on YouTube, and the in the fact-spewing fact-world we live in, the title to the video often sees fit to Explain what the final result will be. It’s like…. ?

It can still be fun, though—just like with a King Arthur book, just knowing that the King Arthur Kingdom doesn’t become the 1,000-year Roman Empire type of land after Arthur dies, that it’s a kinda transitional dual-faith period story, you know—so much of that story you already know what will happen, right. (Christianity comes to Britain. Gee whiz: I wonder, will it catch on?) But it can still be really surprising to watch, even if you know SOME of the details. You watch some game where Team A crushes Team B in the first half, only to have their rival come back to win, you imagine it being like a day-night thing, where they go from playing great football to giving it all away, whereas in the game I’m watching, the team destined by video titles to lose is still playing pretty good football, and even making a few great plays, even as the tide slowly goes out on their empire, right.

A lot of football fans don’t actually enjoy watching the games that much; it frustrates them, and I think a lot of that comes from that fact-won vs fact-lost, and kinda writing people off because of that, you know. It’s a game. Enjoy it.

Of course, that’s a little tangential; as to the football strategy, all I can say is that there is A LOT more to football strategy than my I-watch-football-because-baseball-isn’t-played-year-round father led me to believe, and that you can learn about it, if you’re so inclined. (Which I’m probs not, lol.)

…. Periodically, reports come up talking about how unsafe football is potentially, but I don’t think that it’s my place to rebuke football or whatever, since I don’t even especially like the flow and energy of the games to begin with, so it might come off as just me playing copper to Larry the Cable Guy’s fans, you know. I mean, maybe if I get stuck in an elevator with Larry the Cable Guy, I’d start emoting negatively; maybe not, who knows: plenty of his fans are probably more irritating than he is himself, you know. (And maybe I’d actually not take the bait if it were offered for once, huh-hun!)

But basically, the United States is a very violent country: if all it manifests as is playing football, I’d say that on that day, we’re doing a bang up job, you know. (Ie, the guy I worry about the is guy with the shirt: Football is just a game. Did you know there are still some Chickasaws left? To war, Yankee Doodle—to arms!)

And yeah: football players should probably get some therapy if they have to retire as semi-cripples so they don’t blast their brains out, but they’ll be more likely to do that, if they don’t think there’s a no-football, anti-Larry-the-Cable-Guy conspiracy afoot, you know.

…. (near-end comment) This is a pretty good book: simple, yet rather detailed (eg the Canadian football mention; both the college and the professional game). But I don’t get how people watch or talk about football not to say, What experience or emotion do you get watching football, or, what does watching football do for you—what’s your relationship with it; it’s more like, Are you loyal to football, do you put in enough time being a conscientious football fan, you know, really punch that football clock, right. It’s like, I am already too much of a loyalist, and I did not take up a sports-watching hobby to make that worse, right. I don’t know how people watch sports to be loyal and correct to this fantasy world, rather than to take a vacation from the so-called real world, right. But if people can do most things wrong, they can do anything wrong, basically. Like, the 1972 was it, perfect record team celebrates each time an undefeated team loses? Like, bro, you’re fucking with me, right? You’re ~that~ unconscious? Bros just be hating and be calling it, football.

…. (end) Anyway, for something so normal, football isn’t complete bullshit.

…. After-word: I watched a game of college football, and I have to say that I like the NFL better; I feel like the pros are better at what they do. And of course, if people like the college game because of family tradition—because the college game was popular first—or because they want to watch the team that plays for their school, that they invested years of their life and a small fortune of their money into, I’d say that that’s totally unobjectionable and explicable. But I don’t understand the people who stigmatize the pros because they make good money, and watch college football out of aversion. It’s like, these are the same people who think that the bureaucrats and the intellectuals are crushing the salt of the earth physical man, and not letting him get ahead, you know. Maybe it’s them! You don’t help all the other people who wish they could succeed by using their own physical intelligence, their gut smarts, by snubbing the relative few who do so with great success. And nobody can say that they don’t have short careers full of risks, that bring viewing pleasure to a large audience, you know.
  goosecap | Jan 11, 2024 |
The first half of this book is outstanding. However, the last third or so seems to be mostly filler. ( )
  lpg3d | Nov 12, 2022 |
I tried.
I read a baseball for dummies book not long ago and learned a ton. I thought I'd find a football one too.
This is not for "dummies". This is for people who have atleast some understanding of the game. I'm not one of those people, and when my husband who actually does understand football confirmed my thought that this is written for people who somewhat understand the game, I decided to stop where I was at.
I made it about 100 pages, I learned a little bit. ( )
  Mishale1 | Dec 29, 2018 |
cool book ( )
  Mrs.UrbanitisClass | Jan 25, 2012 |
Toon 4 van 4
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Provides an insider's look at the game, discussing such topics as playing fields; equipment; rules; offensive and defensive players; children's, school, and college play.

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