For the Black Swan edition of 'A Smoking Dot in the Distance' (1992) I wanted to use the review in The Times Literary Supplement by Valentine Cunningham, Professor of English at Oxford University:. Actually half the front page, the lead fiction review, the best bit was: 'A MARVELLOUSLY RUDE PICARESQUE, A RANDY BILDUNGSROMAN ... SHREWDLY DARK SATIRE...

I thought he had hit the nail on the head, until - moving on to 'Who's Who?' after checking out two of the three long words - I read that he, the professor, enjoyed nothing so much as 'going to church, listening to jazz, and READING BAD NOVELS'.

So, beneath the title on the front cover, (as again in the new (third) edition, October 2010) I chose the view of The Good Book Guide' : THIS BOOK IS SERIOUSLY FUNNY ... IT MAY WELL BECOME A CLASSIC.'

The reviews, while positive: 'HILARIOUS' (Sunday Times) 'DELICIOUS MOMENTS ON EVERY PAGE '('Daily Telegraph') thought it a 'period piece'. 'UNFAILING IN ITS PERIOD DETAIL' said 'The Huddersfield Daily Examiner', IT COMES NEARER TO A TRUTHFUL PICTURE OF THE PAST THAN THE NOVELS OF MORE CELEBRATED AND SOMBRE CONTEMPORARIES'.

Paul Golding of 'The Sunday Times' - with a respectful nod, like all the reviewers, to: 'the boy with an elephant's penis (which was tied beneath the bed to prevent the maids from playing with it' - was also impressed by 'the countless vignettes: breakfast with the nobility, high-tea with the working class, political and historical sketches pertaining, with documentary precision, to the years surrounding the second world war.

These anecdotes, microscopically detailed, are tinted by the protagonist's quixotic perception: 'Queen Mary, who wore hats like cake frills (called 'toques) and is remembered as a ship. Very much like her relatives the Battenbergs, who live on as four-coloured cake.'

Melanie McDonagh in 'The Financial Times' made a splendid start - :'A GREAT MANY PEOPLE WILL TAKE PLEASURE IN THIS NOVEL AND WILL LAUGH HEARTILY AT ITS QUINTESSENTIALLY BRITISH SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOUR. IT IS NOT DIFFICULT TO DISCERN IN IVOR GOULD A SUCCESSOR TO THE AUTHORS OF 'THE DIARY OF a NOBODY' AND 'AUGUSTUS CARO ESQ, COMIC MASTERPIECES BOTH.

She then, sadly, went on to express a wish to: 'TO HURL THE BOOK ON THE FLOOR AND JUMP UP AND DOWN ON IT', accusing it (and me) of 'REVELLING IN THE GHASTLINESS OF ENGLISH PETIT-BOURGEOIS LIFE' and making her think of 'FLYING WALL DUCKS'.

Support came for Melanie from Harpers & Queen: 'THE IMPRESSION LEFT BY CORK'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY IS THE SHEER TATTINESS OF THE PAST; BUT GOULD HIMSELF IS NOT EXACTLY IN MINT CONDITION.' (THAT WAS SHEER RUDENESS!)

Perhaps the answer to both Jasper Rees and Ms McDonagh lies in the piece by Max Davidson, assistant editor of the Daily Telegraph'. As well as 'DELICIOUS MOMENTS ON EVERY PAGE' , which nearly made it onto the front page, he ends with a quote.

'Do you love me?' she asked, sitting up anxiously, bathed in the moonlight. Pathetic really; as if I were likely to say no at a time like that.!''

'Yes, of course' I said, dropping my trousers.

Nothing is sacred. Nobody is safe. The greater a character's self-importance, the more gleefully Gould debunks him. ('A virgin?' repeated the judge, and it was obviously a word he liked.")

The only tragedy is trhat those most in need of the book are the people least likely to appreciate it. ( )