The other Sunday, about a month ago, when we had prayer for healing I came up and was prayed over. I don't remember who, but someone prayed that I would receive a word from God, or something to that extent. After she finished her request, she left a second or two of silence and the word “Love” reverberated in my head. I knew that it was God speaking to me (this,actually, was the point in the prayer where I began to cry, that single word “love” brought the tears flowing) but I didn't know why. Was he trying to say that I needed to get love? That I didn't have His love? That I did have His love? That I was exhibiting it? I spent time in prayer asking God why this was the word he had placed in my heart and in my mind and he revealed to me that it is because I don't understand His love. I don't fully understand what it means, what it entails. I want His love; I want to receive it and I want it to fill me so as to overflow to others, but this can't happen till I understand what His love means.
I write all this to say that this book was very meaningful to me. I felt that it showed very clearly some key points in understanding God's love. Some of the statements contained in this book had more of an impact on me than others, but the book as a whole showed me more of what God's love really looks like. In the end we need to look to the Bible to grasp spiritual truths, but sometimes books such as this help to bring out things that we otherwise might not have noticed.

Below I've included some of the If statements that were especially meaningful to me:

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection,
or lest the one concerned should say, “You do not understand,”
or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness;
if I put my own good name before the other's highest good,
then I know nothing of Calvary's love.



If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself,
if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have “a heart at leisure from itself,”
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel bitterly towards those who condemn me,
as it seems to me, unjustly,
forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself
they would condemn me much more,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I become entangled in any “inordinate affection”;
if things or places or people hold me back from obedience to my Lord,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself,
so that others are caused to feel unwanted;
if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous
(i.e., to myself, for myself),
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

In an introduction, Amy Carmichael, a Christian missionary to India who spent much of her life in pain, explains how this booklet came to be written: someone brought her "a problem with a younger one who was missing the way of Love" (5). This led to a night of soul-searching, in which she wrote the "ifs" that came to her. It was never intended to be a publication, but a private booklet circulated by her fellow-workers.

The majority of the book is made up of these "ifs" that make up part two: "if...then I know nothing of Calvary love." Some challenged me, some I disagreed with, some did not strike me. But, as she also says in the introduction, they're not really meant to be read one after the other, but to be dipped into. Perhaps one "if" will strike, perhaps another. Here's an example: "If I feel bitterly towards those who condemn me, as it seems to me, unjustly, forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more, then I know nothing of Calvary love" (36). In the final part are thoughts that I can only characterize as showing what love might look like rather than what it isn't. Because of its structure and intention, I find it impossible to rate as a whole. I could see it being useful and challenge during devotional reading.