Laura M. Brotherson

Soooooo when you get engaged everyone has advice and everyone buys you books. I got two copies of this one. And I'm desperate to up my book quota for the year so I'm adding it. ;)

It wasn't bad... but I took a class that covered most of this. And I read John Gottman voraciously before I even got engaged. (READ and LOVE the Gottmans!) So this wasn't anything new. I think what frustrated me about this and the other books that I read was that they spent a whole book on what Gottman could cover in a couple of chapters. And I think the principles of the book are taught better elsewhere.

People complain that my culture ignores the topic almost fanatically. I don't think so. However, I do think that perhaps it has now swung the other way where they are almost obsessively focused on sex and the bedroom. When, really, in my personal opinion, it forms about 10% of a marriage. A very nice and important 10% percent but, if things aren't going right OUTSIDE the bedroom they won't be going right inside the bedroom. And if you don't establish a healthy relationship before the bedroom is even a question it will be harder later on. So, yeah. That is my neutral opinion. And not the nutshell version.… (meer)

When I first read this book, I thought it was a sexual therapy book. I was wrong. It is much more than that - It is a book about improving the sacred relationship between husband and wife. That relationship is not complete unless there is intimacy in three areas: Mind (thoughts & emotions), Body(physical), and Spirit.

Improving one's marriage is work. "When you marry you enroll yourself in an intensive personal development course. Intimate relationships demand personal growth that is not always easy or comfortable." (Page 256) "In addition to spiritual commitment, our psychological well-being has everything to do with our ability to give and receive love. (Page 265)

I am going through the audio version for the third time, and found I had to refer to the hard copy to make sure that I was getting the important points securely down so that I can be a better husband. Then I bought the kindle version because it just didn't seem right to highlight every other paragraph. But I am doing that anyway. As I write this, I just finished marking a bunch of paragraphs in chapter 13 of our printed copy. I'm trying to not highlight the whole book - really I am trying.

2019-10-27

I had some time and wanted something to listen to while I worked, so I started listening to this book again. (I own a printed edition, an audio edition (read by the author), and a Kindle edition.)
It is quite meaningful to me because I had some significant hang ups going into marriage. That is part of what took us 9 years to have our first child. Laura Brotherson calls it “the good girl syndrome”, but it can affect males also.
Five years into our marriage, I realized that it wouldn’t get better unless I took action, so we went into sexual therapy. That got my anatomy working, but it took decades more to work through emotional baggage, and although I’ve made tremendous progress, it is still ongoing work.

We’ve gone to several different marriage therapists over the years. Most of them were not useful for improving our marriage.
In 2017 I was on a long drive, listening to the Marital Intimacy Show podcast by Laura Brotherson. On it she often said to email her. I heard that suggestion enough that I decided to do it. I had a simple question. But as I wrote my email, I realized that an answer to a simple question wasn’t what I needed. So, I got on her waiting list, and a few months later we were in counseling with her. Starting in 2017 and continuing in 2018. It improved our marriage.

Now I’ve gone through this book 6 times.… (meer)

What I got out of this 36 minute recording:

What your spouse most need from you is probably the thing that is hardest for you to give.

Her favorite quote was:

“Marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Oneness in Marriage,” Ensign, Mar. 1977, 3; see also “Marriage and Divorce,” in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [1977], 146).

This talk came from a cruise. The 2018 Valentine cruise is coming up and I was impressed that the price is very reasonable. https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/cruise/… (meer)

In the Preface section: "Who This Book is For” she explains that "This book focuses on her sexual wiring, while my next book will focus on his sexual wiring." Although that was different than my expectation, it is a valuable resource.

It does not replace her previous book: [b:And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment|1255833|And They Were Not Ashamed Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment|Laura M. Brotherson|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1347322335s/1255833.jpg|1244616]

Throughout the book we are encouraged to keep a Sexual Self-Discovery Journal.


This book considers that there are many aspects to a person -
Parts of Self
- Sexual
- Spiritual
- Mental
- Emotional
- Social
- Physical

12 Key Ingredients (to a woman being sexually fulfilled)
Transformed —Embracing your sexual self.
Thoughts —How powerful they can be.
Tenderness —Why we need a lot more of this for true intimacy.
Time —Giving our spouse more of our time.
Transition —From our regular day into lovemaking.
Talk —Its role inside and outside the bedroom.
Touch —In all its forms. Techniques —To get things right and enhance the experience.
Tuned In —Really “getting” each other.
Teasing —Being playful and fun with each other.
Treats —These add novelty and adventure.
Transcendence —Letting go into sexual surrender.

"Women might consider taking advantage of getting a professional massage as a therapeutic activity."
"Here are just some of the benefits women may gain (from professional massage): "
"Learning to relax, let go, and surrender to tactile pleasure. "
"Awakening, tuning into, and savoring physical sensations. "
"Being mentally present during sensual touch. "
"Training yourself to slow your mind and shut out mental distractions. "
"Practicing deep, relaxing breathing. "
"Working through body image issues and feelings of vulnerability. "
"Disassociating pleasurable touch with having “strings attached.”
(Kindle Locations 731-740)

"How To’s for Embracing Your Sexual Identity How do we go about developing a healthy sexual self-concept? The following nine suggestions can help you embrace your sexuality and nourish your mind with healthy and positive sexual messages."
1- Take the Healthy Sexual Identity Assessment.
2- Reprogram your mind.
3- Merge your identity and welcome sexual thoughts.
4- Start a Sexual Self-Discovery Journal.
5- Get educated.
6- Do the Action Items and some counseling.
7- Do it for you.
8- Dance and use music.
9- Awaken sensuality with massage therapy.
(Kindle Locations 748-804).


The 12 areas (12 T’s) that couples need to address for female sexual fulfillment include:
1) Transformed Sexual Identity,
2) Thoughts,
3) Tenderness,
4) Time,
5) Transition,
6) Talk,
7) Touch,
8) Technique,
9) Tuned In,
10) Teasing,
11) Treats,
12) Transcendence. Keep in mind that “the Big O” is not just orgasm, but a more encompassing “Oneness.”( location 5072)

Contents
Preface
Introduction
Chapter 1 —TRANSFORMED -Embracing Your Identity as a Sexual Being
Chapter 2 —THOUGHTS -Sexy is a State of Mind
Chapter 3 —TENDERNESS -Creating a Secure Foundation
Chapter 4 —TIME -Making Sex a Priority
Chapter 5 —TRANSITION -Getting There
Chapter 6 —TALK -Talk Me into It
Chapter 7 —TOUCH -Touch Me into It (includes kissing exercises)
Chapter 8 —TECHNIQUE -The Intricacies of Her Sexual Wiring
Chapter 9 —TUNED IN -Getting in Sync Emotionally and Sexually
Chapter 10 —TEASING -Putting the Fun and Flirty into Sex
Chapter 11 —TREATS -Keeping the Spark Alive
Chapter 12 —TRANSCENDENCE -Letting Go and Trusting God
Appendix I —Sexual Self-Evaluation
Appendix II —Recommended Resources (There are some active links)
Appendix III —The Marital Intimacy Show Podcast -Episode List
Appendix IV —Couples Questions
Index (This Kindle edition does not have an active index)
About the Author

My notes are from the Kindle edition: Brotherson, Laura M. Knowing Her Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage. Inspire Book. Kindle Edition.

Incidentally, in June 2017, the author has announced that she will be moving her practice to Provo, Utah, instead of at the Cherry Lane Counseling Center office in Meridian, Idaho.

The Marital Intimacy Institute
Pinnacle Park (business complex)
1873 North 1120 West
Provo, UT 84604

(off State Street in Provo towards the bottom of the hill in the Pinnacle Park business complex)
MAP -- https://goo.gl/maps/tjef47Z6BoJ2… (meer)