Ruth Coker Burks

In 1986, in Alabama, Ruth Coker Burks made a name for herself as one of the first people to actively help young men diagnosed with AIDS, this included medical staff who were inclined to turn their backs.

Given that in the early days of AIDS, no one knew much about it, where it came from, how it was spread etc, and as a result people were scared. Ruth, helped hundreds of sufferers find housing, get social security, and other services. She arranged funerals and contacted their families, more often than not, being told that their sons "died years ago" and she "could do what she wanted with the body".

The stories that Ruth shares and compelling, disturbing and so sad. At the same time the book is hopeful, that maybe, just maybe that the world will stop crucifying people who don't 'fit the norm.' Not just the gay community, but people with Parkinsons disease, or Down Syndrome or people who dress differently. I'll get off my soapbox now.… (meer)

Ruth Coker Burks, a single mother and brassy blonde, took on her bigoted hometown in Arkansas in the 1980s to care for the hidden community of young men dying from AIDS. While visiting her friend in hospital, she met Jimmy, ostracised by his family and even the medical staff, who refused to enter his room and left his meals on the floor outside the door. Despite knowing nothing about him or the disease that was soon to take over her life, Ruth sat with him until he died, found a funeral home who would agree to take an AIDS victim, and finally buried his ashes in her own family cemetery. He was the first of hundreds of similar cases, mostly strangers who would turn to her when they returned home to Arkansas, sick and alone, but some of the men became her friends too. This woman, who raised her daughter in the company of drag queens but also grew up with Bill Clinton and alerted him to the AIDS crisis in Arkansas, is a true inspiration.

I knew Ruth's story would break my heart, but the bigotry - not fear, nor ignorance, just plain bigotry - she and 'all the young men' faced also disgusted me and made me so mad. And why are supposed 'Christian' communities always the biggest hypocrites? Mothers disowning dying sons, doctors refusing to offer basic treatment, pharmacists withholding potentially life saving drugs, and all because they thought that the 'gay plague' was a punishment from God. Ruth fought back, though - verbally, actively, legally, forcefully. She would help the men get benefits when they couldn't work to support themselves, stock up on AZT pills, hold their hands and even bury their remains. Her friends and her church turned against her, treating her like a pariah simply for caring, but she kept on and got braver and louder, and with a sense of humour:

'Have you heard about the pizza and pancake diet for AIDS patients?' I asked him. 'You just slide 'em under the door. It's more than your staff is doing.'
'Well, I don't want 'em in the hospital.'
'They don't want to be here.'
'Well, if I get an infection from one of them -'
'Wear a condom when you go in.'

Ruth's personal life at the time was also a bit of a battleground, with memories of a gaslighting mother, an ex husband and terrible in laws who refused to help with raising her young daughter, living hand to mouth while putting the health and welfare of strangers before her own, and even having crosses burned on her lawn! She and daughter Allison found a second family with the drag queens at 'Our House', only to lose most of them too.

I can't recommend this book enough, as an introduction to AIDS for readers who might not understand the prejudice gay men faced in the 1980s but also as a powerful autobiography from an incredible woman.… (meer)