John Gottman

After finishing this book, I made a note in Evernote for each chapter that I can use todo the exercises.

I was initially disappointed that instead of ten points, it was ten stories of couples that came in for counseling. But as I read them, I realized that each couple was there to illustrate an important way to improve a relationship. Thus, I want to go back through it to study by doing the exercises completely instead of just a quick pass in my head.

Table of Contents
0: Introduction:From Predicting Divorce to Preventing It
1: “All You Ever Do Is Work”
2: “Will We Ever Get Over Your Affair?”
3: “After All the Crises in Our Lives, We Don’t Feel Close Anymore”
4: “You Never Talk to Me”
5: “You Don’t Care About My Dreams”
6: “You’re So Distant and Irritable All the Time”
7: “I Shouldn’t Have to Nag!”
8: “There’s No Passion, There’s No Fun”
9: “We Only Have Time for the Kids Now”
10: “You’re Not Satisfied Unless There’s Some Drama”… (meer)

Solid ideas for a lifetime

Date 2: Agree to Disagree
The process of repair:
1. Feelings: Each person takes a turn to talk about what they were feeling during the fight:
2. Validate: Each person should talk about how they saw the situation and their perspective about what actually happened in the argument.
3. Triggers. In some regrettable incidents (not all) there are reasons that the conflict has escalated. We call these "triggers." They are old, enduring vulnerabilities that occurred before this relationship began and have left emotional scars that can get activated. When you feel triggered, search your memory for a point in your history or childhood when you had a similar set of feelings. Triggers never go away, they endure.
4. Accept responsibility
5. Discuss how you both might do things differently next time.

Contents (Summary)
* The Conversations That Matter
* Your Date Night
* The Four Skills of Intimate Conversation
* The Art of Listening
* Date 1: Lean on Me: Trust and Commitment
* Date 2: Addressing Conflict
* Date 3: Let’s Get in On: Sex & Intimacy
* Date 4: The Cost of Love: Work & Money
* Date 5: Room to Grow: Family
* Date 6: Play with Me: Fun & Adventure
* Date 7: Something to Believe in: Growth & Spirituality
* Date 8: A Lifetime of Love: Dreams
* Conclusion: Cherish Each Other
* Appendix: More Open-Ended Questions
* Bonus Date Night Exercises
* Acknowledgments
* Endnotes
… (meer)