Jeanna Kadlec

My biggest complaint about this book is the author’s conflation of evangelicalism with fundamentalism with far-right politics (specifically, Republican stances). She states before even beginning the book that “for simplicity’s sake,” she’ll “use ‘evangelical’ as shorthand for contemporary evangelicalism and fundamentalism both.” But these terms are, in fact, not interchangeable. And the book goes downhill from there.

Kadlec’s tone is full of hatred and bitterness. She uses a lot of manipulative language to support her own biases. It seemed to me that she had much more emotional processing and healing to do and that, quite frankly, she wasn’t ready to write this book.

The writing style feels very disorganized – almost like this was her first draft, just dumping out everything inside her. This made it really difficult to read. The author didn’t appear to know what she wanted to write, since this comes across as part memoir, part history, part social commentary. I think if it had been only a memoir, it would have been a lot better – but the combination she chose just didn’t work for me.

Kadlec was one of those unfortunate souls to grow up in an abusive household, and an abusive, legalistic church. Instead of acknowledging that hers was simply one experience, she groups all those who identify as Christians together – without allowing for any nuance in the experiences of the vast majority. Interestingly, she briefly offers grace to her mother, stating that “people are complicated.” But only people she knows and loves, apparently. For the rest, she only has rage.

The author lays all the blame for deteriorated relationships with her Christian friends on them – supposedly they just couldn’t handle her being gay. But if this book is any indication of how she communicates, it seems apparent why she lost a few friends along the way. Why would anyone want to sit around and listen to her spewing hatred for everything they still believe in, or rage at them, and judge them, for not changing their beliefs the way she has? Not to mention, all of this happened in her 20s, which is when friendships and lives change a lot, anyway. (According to Shasta Nelson, author of [b:Friendships Don't Just Happen!|15807356|Friendships Don't Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends|Shasta Nelson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1344733451l/15807356._SY75_.jpg|21531844], a woman loses half of her friends every seven years, on average.)

Kadlec claims that the Church is just a front for the power-hungry, white supremacist patriarchy – and she repeatedly throws these hot-button words around when they don’t even apply.

I thought it was kind of ironic when, at one point, she complained that she didn’t grow up going on family vacations, and that she’s “still” never been on an airplane with her parents. There are so many people this applies to, and it’s honestly just not a big deal. Especially not when she clearly grew up with plenty of the “privilege” that she’s supposedly against.

At one point, she finally said something I agreed with – that a good education doesn’t equal liberal morality – but even then, the surrounding paragraphs were so jumbled, I couldn’t quite understand why she bothered to bring it up. In the same breath, she was touching on religion, which she thinks is okay if it’s animistic or “indigenous,” but apparently Christianity is the result of evil colonization, so that doesn’t count. Then in a separate part of the book, she mocks those who believe in “an invisible sky god.” (Never mind the fact that no one is born believing something, that everyone is taught by others, no matter where they were born or where they live now.)

I actually found it pretty interesting that in leaving her extreme right, devout religious beliefs and stances behind, she then turned to the very opposite – extreme left-leaning politics, including the LGBTQ community. It seems to me that when many are used to extremities, there is no moving to the middle of the road, for some reason. The opposite example (moving from the extreme left, LGBTQ community, etc. to an extremely devout, somewhat legalistic Christianity), is shown in Rosaria Champagne Butterfield’s memoir, [b:The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert|14741290|The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert An English Professor's Journey Into Christian Faith|Rosaria Champagne Butterfield|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1338618544l/14741290._SY75_.jpg|20388116].

Another interesting facet for me was seeing how supposedly devout Kadlec was in her Christian faith, yet seeing her lack of understanding that salvation is by grace alone, and her stubborn resistance to surrender. She states over and over again that she cannot stand the words “submission” or “surrender,” particularly when she was talking about her relationship with her ex-husband. But Christians are called, first and foremost, to surrender the personal, sinful human will and exchange it for Christ’s perfect, submissive will. Christ was submissive to the Father God, and Christians are to submit to the Father God, as well. Kadlec just couldn’t bring herself to do that, yet she’s convinced that she was very “faithful” – equating faithfulness with obedience to the Ten Commandments, etc. and seemingly ignoring that God sees our hearts.

Note: There are a few scenes that are quite sexually graphic, and the author uses a lot of profanity. There are also spoilers for a couple of classic books, which is a pet peeve of mine.

I received a free ARC through a Goodreads First Reads giveaway!… (meer)

But to question how worthlessness, shame, and control were supposed to sit side by side with a belief in unconditional love would have been to question the foundation on which I had built my entire life.
Coming out and leaving the church was a death: of identity, a worldview, everything I thought I had known about myself.

Trigger Warnings: scenes and mentions of domestic violence, substance abuse, sexual assault and suicidal ideation (as mentioned by the author) I would also add religious trauma and healing because I imagine some out there can relate to her experiences, but may not want to read about them.

Heretic is an examination of Jeanna Kadlec's experiences with the Evangelical Church. Mostly it examines the power and gender structures within the church that cause people to leave. She asserts that conservative Christianity is responsible for building and even undermining political power structures. She examines ways it has impacted pop culture and even the ways that humans interact with one another. In writing her memoir Kadlec combines research, personal journal entries and conversations with friends and family to make her case. She however, prefaces that despite all this, her story is a narrative that is constructed by events from her personal experience.

Kadlec provides a moving account of her early encounters with religion and how it was a large part of her formative years. In fact, it isn't until she becomes a teenager that she even begins to question aspects of her religion. She discusses various instances where her idea of Jesus, appear to come into conflict with what the members of her church were actually teaching and even how they were acting. It is these events, moments when her being a woman automatically means she isn't capable of leadership (despite being the most devout of her youth group), when she is scolded for her outfits, because they will lead others to sin, when she is told that her boyfriend isn't devout enough for having a different religion, that she begins to find cracks in her belief.

However, despite all these instances she does not waver in her belief, though she does slowly begin to realize that she is a feminist at heart. She discusses her relationship with and marriage to a pastor's son. Ultimately, for Kadlec the break from the church comes not when she divorces her husband (because many are willing to forgive this transgression on her part) but when she comes out. She then finds that a great number of her closest friends and family are willing to set her aside. It is for her at this point, accepting her sexuality, that she must confront the true inconsistencies in the religion she grew up in.

Kadlec's story is moving and captivating because of the narration choice she uses. She tells her story through defining moments in her life and religious experiences. The moments when real life didn't match what she had been taught. The moments that she was forced to confront the inequality, the unfairness, the power moves, and the outright hatred. However, Kadlec does not appear as someone who is bitter just as someone who has come to understand that the strict evangelical nature of Christianity isn't exactly helpful. Kadlec is the first to acknowledge, and even apologize, for the ways that she also fed into and enacted this behavior. The book is very clearly one of moments, moments which make us confront ourselves. It is a story of healing and growth. It is the story of someone coming to terms with their religious trauma, even for any they may have been responsible for perpetrating on others.

I realize most of this has been me gushing over Kadlec! (Sorry not sorry). This book hits on some HEAVY topics and does it in a manner that isn't insulting or even really that confrontational. She says her part, as she is entitled, but she also backs all of these things up with FACTS! It reads like this is my opinion, but hey look at these historical and current events that support what I'm saying. The book does not see her spewing hate and disdain. She simply is telling her story as she experienced and admits that these are just moments and memories. Ultimately it seemed to me that Kadlec was very alone in her experiences with religion, until she found others like her. I loved that more than anything this wasn't a story of hate but a story of healing. She shows the memories that most impacted her formative years, and highlights the way she has undone the pain. The ways she has reloved herself and retaught herself. It isn't just a story of religion it's also a story of coming out and all that entails on a personal level. The book is a message to others experiencing or who have experienced religious trauma: Our stories may not be the same, but know that you are not alone.

"Even the clearest memories are imperfect, rocks shaped by the watery ebb and flow of time."… (meer)