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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason (2005)

door Alfie Kohn

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7631629,530 (4.18)6
One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting-including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.… (meer)
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    msdeee: Both Parenting Beyond Power and Unconditional Parenting provide support for treating children as whole people. Both books recognise and teach acceptance of the uniqueness of individual children (parenting the child in front of you). Both books emphasise the role of parents as the modellers of the values they wish their children to cultivate.… (meer)
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1-5 van 15 worden getoond (volgende | toon alle)
Wow. Sounds like a classic work on the craft of parenting. Marking it for a re-read in the next few weeks. ( )
  Santhosh_Guru | Oct 19, 2023 |
Brilliant. Having grown up with one parent who used physical/verbal punishment and another who used conditional love (offered as praise when good grades or proper behaviour was given on my part) I was so thankful for this book which just strengthened and reaffirmed to me that the style of parenting I use (unconditional love, respect and acceptance) was the right choice to enable my child to grow up happy and loved. ( )
  spiritedstardust | Dec 29, 2022 |
Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from doing to to working with parenting including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. Selected Reading Questionnaire.
  ACRF | Sep 26, 2022 |
Like most parenting books, also applicable to teaching. I think it will help me more in the classroom than as a parent. ( )
  leahsusan | Mar 26, 2022 |
there are a number of great things in and about this book. it's probably the best parenting book i've read but i'm starting to feel that all parenting books fall into the same traps. blanket statements (usually about how terrible things will be if...) and gross generalizations, not taking into account the individuality of kids and parents. still, this books rings true to me on a deep level, and if it weren't for those other things, this would get a 5 from me. it actually calls out the perfectly awful parenting book that i read last year and was horrified by. so i was definitely primed to agree with this author on all or most counts.

he helps by actually citing studies and research, something most parenting books really don't do. he makes clear statements and arguments and as what he is saying is something we've been trying as parents to do anyway, i found this both helpful and also easy to get on board with. i wish there were more details about the "how to" portion, with maybe more examples. obviously there isn't a script and i wouldn't want there to be one, but some further guidance would be nice. still, this is important and a worthy read if you're interested in being the kind of parent that doesn't rely on rewards, punishments, and controlling your kid's behavior. ( )
  overlycriticalelisa | Apr 15, 2014 |
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One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting-including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.

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