Why Did You Stay?: The instant Sunday Times bestseller: A memoir about self-worth by Rebecca Humphries

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I heard about this book when Rebecca was on Jameela Jamil’s iWeigh podcast. I don’t watch Strictly Come Dancing, nor do I pay attention to Twitter, so I had no idea not the tabloid drama in 2018, and I had no idea who Seann Walsh is! I still don’t outside the context of Rebecca, but he seems too “laddy” for me and I don’t think I’d find his stand-up funny if it mainly consists of girlfriend jokes. I did find Rebecca very engaging on the podcast, so I stuck her book on my Kindle watch list until one day it was magically 99p!

Who, what, why?
For those who, like me, had no idea about any of this – Rebecca’s boyfriend of 5 years is (apparently) a comedian famous enough to get on Strictly in 2018. While on the show he did the cliché thing and had an affair with his (married) dance partner, and was careless enough to get papped kissing her.. which has the added sting of taking place on Rebecca’s birthday while she was home alone crying. This photo was all over the tabloids.

Rebecca released her own statement via Twitter which launched her as a leading voice for women who are victims of gaslighting, and who have been trapped in coercive controlling relationships.

This memoir is her answer to that insidious comment: if it was so bad, why did you stay?

It's great!
The narrative flips between the many past moments where she almost left but stayed, and her more recent experiences after she left that illustrate her growth towards loving herself.

It is blazingly honest and raw, and so relatable. I’ve never been in a situation like Rebecca’s but I’ve had some bad experiences, been betrayed and manipulated, and healed my share of heartbreak. I think most women will find something familiar in her story.

It is also very funny! She is a great writer and her sense of humour really carries the memoir through some darkness. In the end I found it very uplifting and inspiring, and had me so incredibly grateful that I finally met my wonderful, supportive and easy to be around partner!

I really enjoyed the subversion of romance tropes where she sets up what would happen in a rom-com, before pulling back to state that this is Real Life and that’s not how healthy people work. I really loved the bit where she talks about new romantic memories made with her platonic friends.

Minor niggle
My only niggle with this book is that Rebecca is incredibly privileged in that she had such a supportive and available network of friends to rally around, right on her doorstep whom she could live with and have all these incredible fun experiences. At least in my own experience and the loneliness epidemic, most people do not have that these days, especially in their 30s.

I suspect this is a testament to her personality that these people stuck around despite her having pushed them away, as well as the fact she works as an actor and lives in London, an industry location that conveniently clusters like-minded creative people together (all her friends seem to be performers).

This part of her story was alien to me, so I don’t think it would necessarily be of help to those people who are lonely and isolated without anyone to lean on in their lives. At times I did feel a little envious of her having all these brilliant friends around to hang out with all the time!

That’s a tiny note though, this was a fantastic and otherwise relatable and uplifting read that I highly recommend. Rebecca is a star, and I’m glad she rose out of that bin fire of a relationship!


You can read this review and more on my blog.


REVIEW SUMMARY
I LIKED
- Honest, raw and relatable for so many women who lost themselves in bad relationships.
- Fiercely told, uplifting and inspiring.
- Also very funny!
- I enjoyed the subversion of romance tropes, because this is real life and not a movie!

I DIDN’T LIKE
- Minor niggle, but she does not acknowledge how incredibly lucky & privileged she is to have had such an available support network. Not many people have that.



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