teen fiction - 17y.o. senior high school besties Iranian-American Parisa (atheist/agnostic valedictorian candidate with an extreme anxiety disorder, stressing over her Harvard application/college essay) and Mexican-American Gabriela (in a new romantic relationship with their long-time friend Wes, has two moms who are both recovering alcoholics and definitely can't afford an out-of-state school) struggle with pandemic woes when a fictional (but very familiar) Adema virus shuts everything down. Takes place over one year, fall/autumn (October - Halloween is cancelled ) - winter (both girls' Chrisymases are kinda lame ), spring and summer, in the Bay Area/Los Gatos, California. CW/TW: panic attacks, debilitating anxiety, underage drinking/edible pot usage (resulting in paranoia and getting sent home to parents), loss of friend to pandemic virus, hospitalization, sexual situations (one with a creepy jerk), extended family who don't support moms' lesbian relationship. Written during the COVID-19 pandemic, obviously.

I mistakenly thought this was a graphic novel (that cover graphic is so lovely!) but it's actually a very readable novel despite the utterly miserable subject matter than many of us would rather not be reminded of, with short chapters and SMS conversations. These two sweet, smart girls crack me up and I enjoyed getting to know them and see how their relationships with their families/friends evolve and develop. The author did a great job and I'd love to read more from her. ( )

Iranian-American Parisa and Mexican-American Gabriela are best friends beginning their senior year at Winchester High in the Bay Area. But a few weeks into the year, Ademavirus sweeps the globe, leading to a complete shutdown; Adema targets teenagers the hardest. Eventually this means remote learning, masks, no prom, no in-person graduation ceremony, and the death of some classmates. Wealthy, high-achieving Parisa's anxiety gets worse as she stays in her family's house and tries to write her college essay; Gabriela's moms struggle to make ends meet with their vegan catering business. Some relationships are damaged, while others strengthen, and ultimately, a vaccine is developed - but not before the pandemic changes their lives forever.

Quotes

I have had everything I have ever wanted - what do I have to be anxious about? (Parisa, 44)

Stop depriving me of having a family! (Gabriela, 62)

Why does it feel like everyone's life is evolving and flourishing in quarantine while mine has stayed exactly the same? (Parisa, 142)

But I'm not sure I want to know that my parents experience regular human emotions. The only thing that helps me believe that everything will be okay is if they believe that, too. (Parisa, 159)

...I realize that living through a pandemic means that all the good choices are bad choices, too. (Parisa, 194)

...my stomach turns into an impossible knot of Christmas lights, tangled up and glowing at the same time. I remember hearing someone somewhere say that grief is love inside out, and that's exactly what this feels like. (Gabriela, 247) ( )

A heartbreakingly accurate parallel to many of our children’s experiences during the pandemic lockdowns.

I Miss You, I Hate This, the title of this contemporary young adult novel by Sara Saedi, is also the recurring sign-off between the two main characters as they message throughout the length of the pandemic. The two girls are delightful together as the story opens; their text exchanges are often laugh-out-loud funny. However, as the lockdown and isolation wear on, their friendship begins to suffer.

The characters in the book present a wide variety of cultures, lifestyles, and family configurations, and most readers will find something similar to their situation somewhere in the story. The author puts names and faces to the characters experiencing the many different kinds of collateral effects the pandemic brought to the table, making them real. For example, I could feel the worry of Gabriela’s family, who could not make a living and pay their apartment rent when their catering business could no longer operate.

I enjoyed the secondary storyline about Gabriela’s extended family. What a heartbreaker for her moms to be estranged from their families all those years because of who they loved.

Parisa’s anxiety disorder is really brought home and made real. As one of the book’s points of view, her feelings, thoughts, and fears are laid bare, and readers facing similar struggles will easily relate. The same can be said for her crush on her older sister’s boyfriend and how she handles her feelings and actions.

It was hard not to cry during certain parts of this tough yet ultimately hopeful story. The feelings and fears in the book accurately mirror what many of our students and children have been going through during the Covid pandemic and subsequent lockdowns and remote schooling. Everyone was hurting, and many are still struggling today.

I recommend I MISS YOU, I HATE THIS to readers of contemporary young adult fiction, especially those interested in a story that parallels the experiences of many current and recently graduated high school students.

I voluntarily reviewed this after receiving an Advanced Review Copy from the author or publisher through NetGalley and TBR and Beyond Book Tours. ( )