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Ties That Bind: Familial Homophobia and Its Consequences

door Sarah Schulman

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In this book, the author, a playwright and social critic explores the family, the first place where all people, straight, gay, and bisexual, learn homophobia. For it is within the family that homophobia begins to control people's lives, whether as perpetrators or recipients. Written in the tradition of Susan Brownmiller's Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape, which reconceptualized rape and transformed it from a private problem into an internationally recognized cultural crisis that is now punishable in the International Criminal Court, this book uncovers the hidden crime of "familial homophobia" and moves it into the open for social and political scrutiny. The author illustrates how societal homophobia is rooted in the family but reaches into all levels of social interaction, including how gay people treat each other. She probes the complex issues involved and prescribes third party interventions on the part of both individuals and institutions of authority so that we can all live a better life together on truly equal terms. This work attempts to change our understanding of homophobia and redefine the political landscape not just for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people but for us all.… (meer)

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This is, in fact, the second time I have read this book. It was and remains a landmark text. What's more, although Ties that Bind describes phenomena specific to the gay and lesbian experience, it also provides a map for similar dynamics: I initially read the book with a (straight) friend, who crowed afterward how its was far more useful than anything recommended by their therapist. A must read for straight and gay people alike. (

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GeorgeHunter | Sep 13, 2020 |

Browsing the stacks in the feminism and queer section for books published within the last few years, I picked up Ties That Bind on a whim. I had never heard of Schulman, and was worried this book was going to be chock-full of self-help for queers who have disapproving and unsupportive families.

Well, I was wrong about the self-help. Schulman argues familial homophobia is a microcosm of larger societal homophobia and queers are too complacent and understanding of family members that use homophobia as a tool. Schulman holds everyone accountable: those responsible, straight family members who bystand, and queers who don't resist enough.

I found many of hir arguments compelling. I found it self-helpy, but not in the traditional format. I read hir arguments and reflected upon my own family and my own complacency. I am much more likely to protest homophobia by marching in the streets than protest at the dinner table.

Hir writing and theories are extremely accessible, which doesn't happen nearly enough in queer theory. (

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rmostman | Dec 27, 2011 |

Subtitled Familial Homophobia and Its Consequences, Sarah Schulman’s latest book offers an explanation for why people like Frank Schubert (director of the media campaign for Proposition 8) feel free to stir up fear and hatred of gay people when he has a lesbian sister he claims to love. It’s called “familial homophobia,” and groundbreaking isn’t an adequate word to describe the work that Schulman does in this book. From the way that gays and lesbians participate in their own oppression by not calling out our family members on their homophobia to the way that our mistreatment by family members is ignored or glossed over by the larger culture, Schulman covers plenty of ground. This is a crucial, brilliant book, not to mention painful; as Schulman describes her own familial homophobia, I remembered that I didn’t feel I could take my wife’s hand at my father’s funeral, for fear it would upset the rest of my family. (

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KelMunger | Mar 2, 2010 |

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In this book, the author, a playwright and social critic explores the family, the first place where all people, straight, gay, and bisexual, learn homophobia. For it is within the family that homophobia begins to control people's lives, whether as perpetrators or recipients. Written in the tradition of Susan Brownmiller's Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape, which reconceptualized rape and transformed it from a private problem into an internationally recognized cultural crisis that is now punishable in the International Criminal Court, this book uncovers the hidden crime of "familial homophobia" and moves it into the open for social and political scrutiny. The author illustrates how societal homophobia is rooted in the family but reaches into all levels of social interaction, including how gay people treat each other. She probes the complex issues involved and prescribes third party interventions on the part of both individuals and institutions of authority so that we can all live a better life together on truly equal terms. This work attempts to change our understanding of homophobia and redefine the political landscape not just for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people but for us all.

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