Lori DuronBesprekingen

[Please scroll down a bit for English]

Aki ismeri a raisingmyrainbow.com blogot, annak nem ajánlom. Kevés benne az újdonság a bloghoz képest, így alig vártam, hogy a végére érjek. Aki viszont nem ismeri a blogot, annak szívből ajánlom. A könyv jó összefoglalója az eddig történteknek, és az is kiderül, milyen szellemesen ír Lori. Utána lehet folytatni az olvasást a blogon.

A főszereplő Lori elbűvölő kisebbik fia, CJ, aki a lányos dolgokat szereti. Nyomon követhetjük, hogyan birkóznak meg ezzel a helyzettel a családtagok, barátok, tanárok, iskolatársak. Közben mi is fontos leckéket kapunk empátiából, toleranciából, szülőségből (bármilyen nyálasan hangzik is ez).

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The battle is on between “[…] all the nosy mothers within ten miles, all of whom have their degree in child development with a minor in judging people.” (p. 130) and Lori, a.k.a. CJ’s Mom, who “[…] works part-time as a business consultant, full-time as a mother and overtime as a walking panic attack.” (http://raisingmyrainbow.com/cast-of-characters/)

As an enthusiastic follower of the blog, I had the constant feeling that I had read this before. If you want to own a hard copy and put it on your shelf, go ahead. It even has a foreword by David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris! As much as I love the blog though, I feel I shouldn’t have bought this book. I’ve been reading every post for a couple of years now, so it is probably hard to tell me anything new from times past.

Still, it is definitely more than a collection of blog posts. A coherent text that summarizes the first few years and all the struggles and joys of raising a gender creative child. Written with a great sense of humour, the episodes I already know still melt my heart or upset me. It was interesting to remember recent posts while reading the book. I had an instant follow-up in certain cases.

If you are not familiar with the blog, the book is a great place to start. And I strongly recommend that you start following the blog as well. Lori and her family are amazing. They teach us so much about empathy, and how to be a great parent, no matter what your child’s unique needs are. They show us how to love and support our children, “no matter what”. In addition, Lori and Matt are probably the first real-life couple I ‘encountered’ who work as a great team as parents. As Lori says, “[h]e has always been there with me every step of whatever journey I take.”(p.235)

Lori also taught us loads about bullying, and how to deal with it. She shares all the detailed knowledge she gathered while trying to protect her children, with the exact legal steps you can take in the US. The end of the book hosts some great lists, including a Reader’s Guide, Twelve Things Every Gender-Nonconforming Child Wants You to Know, invaluable Tips for Educators and Resources to turn to.

I always think of this wonderful family when my son tells me things like the girls in his class said he couldn’t play in the toy kitchen, because it was for girls. Or when he coloured a clown purple, the girls told him he should be a girl because of the colour he chose. Then I tell him that colours and toys are not for girls or for boys only. That is a sentence I learned from Lori. I don’t know whether I knew what to say in these instances otherwise.

What is this thing with toy kitchens being for girls anyway? Most of the chefs, including world renowned ones are men. Even a cook I know was upset because his son liked to play with a toy kitchen. But he himself is a male cook!

What about clothes? How is it acceptable if I like the colour blue or prefer wearing trousers, if manufacturers make pink shirts for grown men but it is not okay for young boys to wear pink? My son’s favourite colours are red and purple. He also likes pink. In clothes, he likes red, blue and black. There aren’t many purple (or pink) boys’ clothes. He loves everything firefighter, cars and other vehicles, including the garbage truck, everything connected to building houses, numbers, letters, he disassembles everything and reassembles some, and he loves to draw. With all kinds of colours. He is a boy’s boy with favourite colours not everyone approves of. Lucky that we don’t seek their approval. I am grateful to Lori for teaching me that, too. To remember what is important: the happiness of your child, and what is not: what other people might think.

I know struggles from a year of lactose intolerance. I know how parents don’t want unnecessary hardships for their child. I know how adults are so much less accepting and flexible than children. Sometimes I couldn’t decide whether they truly weren’t able to understand the situation or just didn’t want to. Other times I was exhausted from the constant struggle. Often I was sad that my child felt left out because of his condition. I am glad it was temporary and I know it was less of a challenge than raising a gender creative boy.

If there is anything everyone could and should learn from this book and the blog, they are the following:

1. Love and support your child. No matter what.

2. “It’s a lesson more in empathy than in gender.” (p. 180.). You are encouraged “[…] to learn – as we have – to judge less, imagine more, and treat others as they would like to be treated.” (p. 252.)

Disclaimer: I don't have a gender creative son. I don't even have a son. My male dog has worn a tutu before.

So my wife's school is going to read this book, and she suggested I check it out first. OK, I'll take a look. The beginning of the book was engaging and honest about a mom who raises a gender creative son. Lori is likable enough and I grew to care for her family and story.

Chapters are really short. Perhaps, the author writes a blog so much, she's used to more blog sized writing.

I kept thinking how bad I felt because I would probably be feeling awful in her shoes. It would feel like a failure if I raised a son who wanted to play with girl toys..... so I'm glad this book exists to educate me on this matter.

As we moved further into the book, I was struck with a bigger picture question. The book really wants to celebrate natural behavior, even if its gender non conforming. This is a good natural behavior the author wants to cultivate. Surely, there are a lots of natural behaviors we want to eradicate. (I've been struggling to find a great analogy so I'll throw out a few and see if any stick). Based on our history, the human race really likes to wage war. Based on books like Lord of the Flies, we bully and are still at heart animals.

In light of recent news on gay marriage ... it made me wonder, what current "crime" are we doing which will be deemed acceptable in 50 years? 70 years ago Turing was being charged with the crime of being gay. 40 years ago, my relatives had to go to California to get legally married (white and asian getting married?!)

Any way, back to the book. Reading Raising my Rainbow will generate questions and discussions. It's a worthy read.

"Amemoir about raising a gender-creative child.

Like most parents, Duron and her husband had certain expectations about who their sons would grow up to be, but when their younger son, C.J., discovered and fell in love with Barbie, they had to slowly begin changing their ideas. C.J. liked dolls, his favorite colors were pink and purple, and he enjoyed dressing up in girls’ clothes—all atypical behaviors for a 3-year-old male. Having grown up with a brother who is homosexual, Duron was on the lookout for potentially gay behavior in C.J. It was only as C.J. continued to cross-dress and then announced one day to his father that when he grew up, he was going to be a girl, that Duron realized she might have a gender-nonconforming child. The author honestly and humorously expresses the delight and dismay her family lived through as they watched and adjusted to the increasingly interesting and sometimes very awkward moments of life with C.J. Like all good parents, Duron and her husband didn't squelch C.J's desires but encouraged him to become who he was meant to be, allowing him to have princess-themed birthday parties and "girl" toys from Santa Claus while ignoring the looks and comments of neighbors and the parents of classroom friends. As the first few years passed and C.J.'s behavior continued on the gender-nonconforming spectrum, Duron searched for information on how to safely raise an LGBTQ child. When she couldn't find as much help as she needed, she decided to blog about her experiences in order to connect with and help others in this same situation. Many decisions still lie ahead—for example, hormone therapy and/or surgery for C.J., as well as the need to address the bullying both sons have received—and the author tackles these issues head-on with intelligence and compassion.

A heartfelt examination of raising a boy who wants to be a girl." www.kirkusreviews.com

I didn't expect to like this book as much as I did in the end. I think it's really important that books like this exist, showing that it is possible to change and become more accepting. There were times when I disliked their approach to allowing or not allowing CJ to do or wear what he'd like, but throughout the book there was a journey of growing understanding and acceptance with a strong underlying love for their children.

The concern about the bullying of a sibling of a trans or gender non-conforming child or teen is often something that parents are terrified of. I thought it was interesting that while the parents have concerns they generally let CJ express himself and deal with the consequences to his older brother. I think their approach, especially toward the end of the book where they went in hard and dealt with the bullying without pushing it back onto CJ and restricting him. It was the opposite of victim blaming and I think this is an ideal model way of dealing with this situation.

The detailed information about how to deal with bullying at a school was interesting to me even though I'm in the UK and I'm sure it would be very useful to parents in California and the US.

I loved that they found a sympathetic and knowledgeable therapist as that can be so hard to find, as evidenced by the first person they went to see. There's insight into good therapeutic practice with this therapist, that might be a good takeaway for some parents.

The foreword from Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka completely missed the point of the book though and made me mad before I'd even started the book. The takeaway from this book isn't that we will all love our kids no matter what or something. It's that kids should be free to be non-conforming and we should examine our prejudices against that. We should teach our kids that they don't have to conform and neither do their peers, they're free to play with and wear things from the whole children's section. We need to provide our children with opportunities to go outside the boundaries they're given by society and raise them to question stereotypes and assumptions.

I think I would definitely recommend this book to parents who are struggling to come to terms with their child's gender expression or identity as I think it reflects a lot of common viewpoints and shows how it is possible to come to a different conclusion.

A charming look at a family's journey in discovering, accepting and guiding their gender creative child. C.J. is a delightful young boy and I enjoyed reading about his experiences and identified closely with some of my own childhood memories of playing with dolls. My only two criticisms of this book: when the story veered off from focusing on C.J. especially when it focused on Duron's thoughts about the greater LGBT community and towards the end of the novel when the focus moved to C.J.'s older brother, I lost interest. As well, there were times when it started to get a bit repetitive. Other than that it was a honest, fascinating read.

What do you do when your three year old prefers barbies and tiaras to trucks and football? This family struggles to find out, but figures it out. Beautifully written and handled.

Lori Duron and her family have a gender-nonconforming son, C.J. and this book is their story. If you have followed Duron’s blog, then this book is a good accompaniment. In simple terms, C.J. likes to play with girl toys and wear girl clothes and the family catches flack for that.

I enjoyed this book for Duron’s blunt, and often humorous, telling of how life is when you love and support a gender-nonconforming child. I enjoy her blog a little bit more but that simply is because it is an ongoing work and there is more detail. She shares the good and the bad, showing how family, friends, neighbors, and strangers react to not only her son C.J. but also to the entire family.

Duron also delves into the what few scientific studies have been done in this area. There wasn’t much to draw on and I think better science and understanding will come about as the stigma towards homosexuality is lifted in our society. I especially like that she explains the spectrum of sexuality. However, I do have one quibble and it is about relying too heavily on the few scientific studies. She cites one study that says that a young boy that prefers girl clothes and girl toys will most likely grow up to be gay. But what about girls who prefer to wear jeans and play with block and robots and fire trucks? Does that mean they will grow up to be lesbian? That wasn’t really addresses and my point is that our society has been way more supportive of females wearing pants (male clothes) and playing with boy toys for decades than the opposite. So, I think we need time and a larger number of kids being allowed to dress as they like and play with the toys they like before we can say such a definitive thing. I didn’t like that the author didn’t question this theory as I think it is an interesting question to explore.

The book doesn’t shy away from addressing peoples’ ideas of normal and outright biases. Even family members had to do some internal questioning and decide if they were going to be supportive or not. I really liked that the author did not gloss over what people said and did, both good and bad. This book is an excellent resource for folks who have a gender-nonconforming kid in the family and can be an eye opener for folks in general.

The Narration: Lori Duron did a good job of narrating. After all, this is her life and family and I am glad the publisher went with her voice. The emotions come through clearly without being overbearing.

This was a very enjoyable read. It is not only about the challenges of raising a gender nonconforming son but also parenthood itself. Duron's honesty, introspection and humor shine through brilliantly in the narrative.

I read the book straight through in one sitting and was unable to put it down. It is a very useful contribution to the discussion of gender in society which, for a change, does not come from an academic background. This accessibility opens the discussion in a way that can contribute a great deal to the understanding of gender among broader sections of parents and the population as a whole.

Disclaimer - I received an Advance Review Copy of this book from the publisher through Goodreads First Reads.

Lori Doron is the blogger behind raisingmyrainbow.com. It’s a blog about parenting her son C.J. and that’s what this book is about too. C.J. is considered gender nonconforming because he prefers to play with toys typically for girls and wear feminine clothing. Not surprisingly, most of his friends are girls.

I was impressed with how Lori’s incredible honesty. She’s not afraid to admit the mistakes she’s made along the way and not afraid to confess how difficult it can be raising C.J. She cops to the fear and insecurity she sometimes feels. At the same time, she describes the joy it is to parent C.J. He sounds like a really neat kid.

She also discusses C.J.’s older brother Chase and how C.J. being gender nonconforming affects his life. Chase’s life at school is definitely different and harder than it would be if C.J. was gender conforming but Lori and her husband are helping him through it wonderfully.

This book was informative and fun to read. Lori seems like a friendly and funny person and her story is one that everyone should read.

I made it about halfway through this book when I started to compose my own blog post about gender nonconformity, and I kind of lost interest in what Duron had to say.

While I like that Duron has written so frankly about her and her husband's difficulties raising a son who likes "girl" things, as a fellow mother of a boy who likes "girl" things, it's not clear to me what the big deal is. Or maybe I just feel that way because we're lucky to be part of a community in which my four-year-old can go out in a pink warm-up suit or his sister's old Daisy Girl Scout tunic or a purple satin cape and purple tutu (and coonskin cap) and no one says anything unless it's to tell him how cute he looks.

I know I'll write more about this on my blog once I get my thoughts together, but really, I've come to see gender on a continuum rather than as binary. Making a big deal about a boy who wants to wear pink (or a girl whose favorite color is brown...but wait! That's not gender nonconformity! I'm confused...) just shows kids that what our culture at this split second in time says they should be like is more important than what their heart says they should be like. That's not a message I want to send to my kids.

But then, our family homeschools, so maybe we're already far enough outside mainstream culture that how our kids dress doesn't really register as a top concern.

I'll probably go back and finish the book eventually, but for now, I'm setting it aside.

This book offers an interesting perspective on raising a child who may not adhere to gender stereotypes. She does seem to get a little bit hysterical about the reactions of others, but I found it interesting to read nevertheless. It provides some food for thought if I should end up with a child who isn't interested in gender conformity at a young age.

This book was really touching and honest. I've read books from the LGBT point-of-view, but not from the parent's perspective. The author doesn't paint everything rosy, but she doesn't despair, either.

I was very excited when I received this book for review. As an educator who has worked with LGBTQ, transgender and gender non-conforming adolescents, I was looking for insight into the family perspective.

CJ sounds like a wonderful kid. True, he comes with issues which present parenting challenges, but basically, he was not what Ms. Duron had expected. What disturbed me was her tendency to catastrophize or to mentally jump into CJ's future. Lest I be labeled a "hater", let me explain: Uncertainty is scary. Folks who behave opposite of what we anticipate can be scary. But it made my head spin reading through Ms. Duron's near constant fear-spirals. Enjoy your son as he is today, and live in that moment rather than ponder who he will fall in love with someday or who he will identify as. Enjoy today.

The pieces of this book that I truly did appreciate are Ms. Duron's effort to reach out to those working with her sons (sharing the learning experience with teachers and coaches is a phenomenal way to bring everyone together) and the portion that dealt with bullying, how the Duron's handled it, and how Chase's school experience was bettered. Chase is an amazing kid (Lori, I wholeheartedly agree with you that he is an outstanding big brother!) and shows an astounding level of poise and compassion. Kids with differences (or unique siblings) are often targeted, and the combating of bullying is finally getting the attention that it warrants.

A beautiful book that should be required reading for everyone entering the teaching profession. Above all else, children should grow up feeling safe, protected, and comfortable in their own skin. Bravo to Lori Duhon and her family, who not only provided that acceptance for their son, but also wrote this amazing book chronicling their journey. Duhon reminds us that children should be allowed to develop their own, unique selves in an environment that is loving and respectful. Highly recommended for anyone. A wonderful story.

A beautiful and inspiring book. Wonderful for anyone interested in issues of gender, sexuality and child development. My only gripe at all was her certainty that her son will be gay because of his gender presentation. Those two are not automatically tied together. And there's really no rush to declare him gay or straight at five years old anyway, is there? But really, a fantastic and heartwarming read!

Honest, heartfelt and informative. I actually didn't expect anything else since I am a follower of her blog from almost the beginning.½

Witty, warm and honest through and through. Duron is amazingly open about the struggles her family encounters as they come to terms and then fully embrace having a son who is, in her words, "gender creative". This is based on a blog, but it thankfully doesn't just reproduce posts but tells a much smoother narrative (even though there is a little bit of repetition). Highly recommended for anyone raising a child who's gay, lesbian, transgender or gender creative -- and for anyone who, like me, was that child.

I was quite excited to get this book as an Early Reviewer for LibraryThing, and it lived up to my hopes. Written by the blogger of RaisingMyRainbow.com, this is the story of a typical American family that finds itself with a gender-nonconforming child. [I am going to use male pronouns for this review because that is what the author has done.]

The child in question, C.J., their youngest, had not been interested in any of the toys the parents bought him, until he discovered Barbie and the pink aisle of the toy store. Is he gay? Is he transgender? Is he going to suddenly like the color blue? Is he going to grow up to be a new age sensitive man? No one knows, and the question is how to help C.J. grow up happy, well adjusted, and true to himself.

This book tells the story of the parents as they try to figure out how to support their child in being who he is, while dealing with their own internal concerns about a boy who wears pink and loves princesses, and how to deal with the outside world. The author is honest about decisions they made that in retrospect were bad ideas, and about the joys of finding support, sometimes from unexpected people. The book is sometimes a bit uneven, but it has a goodly amount of information and tells the story well, a story that needs to be more available to more people, and is especially valuable for other parents in similar situations.½

This is an amazing story of one family's struggles in raising a gender nonconforming son. From the moment CJ discovered his first Barbie, at the age of two and a half, everything in their lives changed. They entered the unfamiliar territory of raising a boy who likes girl things in a culture that doesn't always understand that. They have dealt with being teased, misunderstood, and even bullied. A particularly heartbreaking section of the book details the bullying that CJ's older brother was subject to. Throughout it all, Lori and her husband have done their best to learn the best way to parent their unique child. This a must read for anyone who is or wants to be a parent or a teacher. You never know when you might come across a child who doesn't fit into society's mold.

"We just want to know that we are not alone, find some comfort and camaraderie, and have someone tell us that we aren't failing." So states Lori Duron, the author of Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son. The book chronicles Lori's son C.J. from the time he is two and a half until the beginning of Kindergarten. C.J. likes girls' toys and wearing girls' clothing. Whenever children, or anyone for that matter, does not follow society's norms it is difficult for the person and those around him or her who love them. So this is an important book for anyone interested in this subject or who has a child like C.J. It does indeed provide support and encouragement and sound advice, where little else has been available. It is also an interesting book for all others, which will make you laugh, make you angry and make you want to know more about the life and times of C.J. There is also a part of the book that describes the bullying perpetrated upon the author's older son Chase because of his brother, and here as well there are important messages about what is an increasingly serious problem in school today.

I found the title and description to be misleading as it contradicts the mother’s attitudes toward gender. Things like nail polish, skirts, lace, jewelry, dolls, and colors like pink and purple are assumed to represent femininity. Even the little child’s nose is described as feminine. The author uses six different terms as if to avoid the word queer, a gender which without patriarchal gender role enforcement would be the universal norm. The author herself states that her little son has a gender identity disorder. Her other, patriarchally proper son she describes as “all boy”, as if her younger son was less than. And the “all boy” aspect is like that of the tough guy dad. ... Book Review: Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son By Lori Duron, Neil Patrick Harris, David Burtka » Katarina Nolte
http://katarinanolte.com/WordPressBlog/2013/08/book-review-raising-my-rainbow-ad...

A book based on a blog isn’t typically my favorite format, but this author has a great tone and voice, and I think I would really like her as a person. Some people can just write like that – you get a sense of who they are, how they struggle, and how at the end of the day they just are doing the best they can to be a good person.

So couple that with the fact that I am for some reason drawn to stories of intersexed, transgendered, and “gender creative” individuals, and I guess I was bound to love this book.

Honestly, I stink at reviews, so all I can really do is tell you how I felt as I read it. I was encouraged that there are people out there letting their kids be who they are born to be. In this case, it seems like that’s a boy born to be a girl. But really the story is bigger than that. Lots of kids live in families that want them to be something other than what they are, and above all else, this is a story of how a parent slowly accepts and supports her children regardless of what she wants, her family wants, or others think about their decisions. It’s encouraging and hopeful and I wish the whole world would adopt this mindset.

I also felt a new appreciation for the struggles parents have trying to do the best job they can for their kids. There really isn’t a one-size-fits-all guidebook for parenting, and the author is honest about her struggles and mistakes. It’s refreshing and I would imagine takes the pressure off parents reading the book.

Will this book give you information you didn’t know before? Absolutely. Is it just about a gender creative boy as he cries for dolls and pink pajamas? No. It’s much more than that. It’s a lesson for all of us on appreciating others and even appreciating ourselves for the unique differences we bring to the world.

Raising My Rainbow is a groundbreaking book and should be read by everyone, especially parents and teachers. I particularly found the stories of schoolyard bullying to be upsetting. No parent should have to live in fear that their child will commit suicide some day because of what people say to or about them. Lori Duron raises vital questions about the way our current society pushes children into gender stereotypes so fiercely. It is life affirming to see how she and her whole family have grown in their understanding of their delightful son, who just happens to be gender non-conforming.

I received this as an advanced copy for review. Was an interesting read. I wanted to read it as I am an adult gay man and the proud Uncle of two three year old boys, the same age as CJ the gender non-conforming boy in the book.

I did really enjoy the book. I wished for more anecdotal stories in it. where she's telling stories about her life with CJ and her other boys boy, Chase. But all in all did enjoy the book. She tells us how she is overcoming obstacles in her everyday life with both of her children and her husband. How she started her blog online as she could find no information on gender non-conforming anywhere on the net.

Is a good read for parents who are raising young children. Whether they be gender conforming or non. Gender non-conforming by the way is a young person who prefers toys or the opposite gender a boy who likes dolls or a girl who prefers trucks. Was interesting for me as my brother in law did not like when my sister bought a play kitchen for her boys. While my nephews are into their dinosaurs and trucks as well as their kitchen, the boy in this book likes exclusively up to this point girl toys (dolls) and things that are pink and purple.

I read another great memoir this week. Hooray for memoirists! Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son by Lori Duron is sweet, and nurturing, and real. It's honest, and ... well ... I'd want to be her friend if I knew her in real life.

When her son, at age three, found a Barbie, Lori and Matt Duron's life changed forever. As well as their two sons'. What follows are years of self-doubt, unconditional love, and the angst of whether or not he can bring his "girl" toys with him when he leaves the house.

It was life-affirming to read about her advocacy, the friends they surrounded their little family with, and the joy that beamed out from little C.J.'s face when he was dancing in an all girls ballet/tap class with a sparkly tutu on.

It's a story about love, first and foremost. It's a story about the minutia of decisions parents need to make when the challenges arise, as they always do. It's a story about acceptance, and providing the best for your child.

I recommend this book to all.

Five stars.