Natalie Madorsky Elman

The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends by Natalie Madorsky Elman, Ph. D. Epiphany Library section 8 J: Life Skills, General Parenting. “Nobody likes me” is a common childhood complaint. Most kids have trouble at some point with social situations. They may be shy, sensitive, intimidating, a born leader, a different drummer, or have a short fuse. If your child is having trouble making or keeping friends, this book describes nine common social types of children like those above, the positive side of the trait, what to do about it, a little story about how kids with this problem typically act in social situations, and the bonanza of the book, activities parent and child can do for learning the unwritten rules of friendship through role-playing, learning responses that deflect teasing, joining in play without waiting to be asked, phone etiquette, distinguishing between friendly and unfriendly teasing, learning about negotiation and compromise. As a former teacher, I can tell you these ideas will work well in school as well as during neighborhood play, in organizations, at home.
One interesting thing I learned from this book was that new friendships do not survive if new friends are pushed too soon to become “best” friends. A child must learn that friendships are built slowly over time. Children also need to know that not everyone is gong to be a best friend. Most kids have only a few best friends, the rest being acquaintances. That’s what’s normal, but some kids mistakenly think that all children must be best friends. In actuality, friendships ebb and flow. By high school many kids have learned these things, and learned to compensate for their social shortcomings. This book will help kids learn how to navigate socially more quickly, with less stress, pain, and frustration.
While social reputations ( for example, being shy or the butt of teasing) cannot be changed overnight, using just a few of the suggestions in this book with your child will eventually make getting along easier. I wish I’d had mastered some of these techniques by late elementary and middle school, when having friends and fitting in seemed so crucial. If I’d known ways to calm, soothe and assert myself, life would have been less painful and a lot more fun.… (meer)