David B. Van Heemst

A professor with five daughters writes for men on how to raise daughters.

The author encourages fathers to be more active in raising their daughters and to meet not just their basic needs but also their deeper relational needs as well. He discusses the various ways in which fathers can either build up or tear down their daughters and the results of such as well as discussing various fatherhood styles, temperaments, matters of femininity, discipline, and how to help develop character in young women.

The message of pouring out oneself for one's daughters is good, as is the general concept of fathers being more involved and more open to their daughters. Nevertheless, the book is saturated with modern psychology and much of the encouragement is based more in modern psychological consensus than what the Bible would teach (which is rich considering how the author is more than willing to recognize the attitudes of past psychological theories). The book is written in a very "feminine" way: the language used is quite foreign to men and serves more as a barrier than a bridge for them. The author seems to want to straddle the line and not try to offend either those of a more conservative disposition or those who have imbibed more deeply in progressive cultural movements especially as it relates to women's roles, and in so doing, essentially attempts to punt on one of the most crucial matters facing young women: what kind of women are they going to be in this society? Better to have some conviction than none at all.

There are some good ideas in the book and fathers may do well to consider it. But there is much that is left wanting.… (meer)

I tried as objectively as possible to review this book as a father, not a mother. It wasn’t difficult as my husband and I are raising our children in a Christian household, and hold the precepts Van Heemst proclaims as an important facet in our family's dynamics. This book is a guide to father’s who may feel insecure about their parenting of girls because they fit the mold of the stereotypical “hunting, sporting, rough housing-macho-dad” and feel their interests would be better suited to parenting boys. He also makes it clear that expectations over the years have evolved and men are expected to share a bigger role in parenting and being involved and present with girls is not as shunned upon as it may have been a generation or two ago.

Good things first. He makes it clear that one cannot read this book like a 12 step program to become a better father to a daughter. The author claims this book sets it apart from many other “dad books” in that he is describing the experience of being a dad from the inside out ; instead of writing about being a good dad, he describe the experience of being a good dad. Unfortunately, in doing this, he often becomes repetitive, re-playing phrases like “knit your heart to hers” or “connect your heart to hers” in describing how to relate with one’s daughter.

He gives ample real-life examples and describes what an inclination to have a good relationship with one’s daughter resembles. It is not strict enough that one thinks “I must do these exact things” but enables the reader to reflect on their interests as well as their child’s and see how one can adapt their lifestyles to form a relationship . He couples this with action steps and goals for improving the relationship at the end of each section.

Van Heemst doesn’t bring a lot of new information to the table. He places the popular Attachment Parenting as well as other contemporary schools of parenting thought into a Christian framework by providing enough questions for the church small-group to deliberate. There is enough content to discuss the styles in which men themselves were raised and the relationships they consequently had with their fathers and how to avoid making the mistakes that more “masculine oriented” fathers may have raised them.

There were not enough concrete Biblical references. “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers” Matthew 4:6 is broad enough to apply to boys and girls. He leans heavily on contemporary Christian literature without so much as a summary of the other author’s main points, and more of a directive to read and adopt the points in Captivating or The Five Love Languages, to get the essence of the point that Van Heemst is trying to style.

Perhaps he is trying to appeal to a wider audience than simply the church small-group . It is certainly a book that mothers can read and follow. In fact, it left me with a sense that there are mother’s out there who may experience some role reversal with the typical father and be more absent than dads . It is so easy as a mother to get caught up in the daily activities of our daughters and miss out on the opportunities to develop meaningful relationships. This book will give all readers an opportunity to pause for reflection.… (meer)

Ok, so I realise that as a 19 year old girl I am not the target audience for this book.
What I did not realise was that as an atheist I am CERTAINLY not in the target audience for this book.

I stuck with it for a while, it was all very cutesy and about loving your daughter unconditionally and making sure she feels valued and this is all well and good, but when you're telling me that when "the second coming" finally happens the first thing I should be saying to Jesus is how lovely my dad is... I'm not sure this is going to be my book.

So I read the first couple of chapters and realised my opinion wasn't going to change so didn't finish it.

Sorry Mr Heemst, I'm sure you worked really hard on this book and that it will be really useful for some men about to become fathers to young girls, but this isn't a book for the female 19 year old atheists among us.… (meer)