Sara Phillips

I don’t know what to make of this…. I mean! It’s a present! And a great present but wtf…. The book says it takes 3 years to grow this plant… and a lot of weird stuff!! Apparently this plant doesn’t drink tap water! I’ll have to use bottled water for it!!! I am so confused out of this present! I don’t know what to do but wonder the why I got it!!! And I came up with this!


I think the person who gave me this present go tired of hearing me bitching and whining about being bored! So a present was picked to keep me busy for 3 years!


There is only a problem with that!!!


I’M DOMINICAN!


Have you ever heard the Dominican lobster history??? No!!?? Weird! I’ll tell it to you!


Some lady goes to the fish market to buy some lobsters… when she goes to the lobster stand she take a look at the different buckets fill with lobsters… they all trying to get out of the tank! But the vender is really smart and he rubs soap around the edge of each bucket! So they can’t get out! And yet they try! But then she notices something strange! There is one bucket full with lobsters but there is no soap around its edges! And yet all the lobster remains inside! Out of curiosity she asks the lobster selling dude why there is no soap around the edges of it!? The lobster selling dude smiles and tells her that those are the infamous Dominican lobsters! There is no need to put soap around the edges cuz every time one of them tries to get out the other’s pull em back in! I know I know it’s not that funny!!! But there is an important lesson to be learned here! Don’t ever try to fuck with a Dominican! They tent to drag people down to hell with them!!!


That’d said!

I HERE PROMISE TO TRY TO RAISE THIS PLANT! IT WILL TAKE ME 3 YEARS! DURING THOSE 3 YEARS I SWEAR FOR MY KILL TO DEATH RATIO! THAT I WILL COME HERE TO GOODREADS AND POST A PICTURE OFME FOLLOWING EACH AND EVERY STEP OF THE BOOK THEN FLOAT THIS REVIEW!!!! SO YOU GET TO ALL THE PICTURES!!! !!!!*

I will drag you to the amazing world of venus fly trap growing with me!!!! I


*: unless something comes up!



Step #1: Soak your peat pellet in water for twenty-four hours. Keep I inside the netting so that it will be easier to handle after it exapands


Step #2:
After twenty-four hours, remove the pellet from the water and carefully remove the netting. Place the peat in a container large enough for you to mix it thoroughly with the sand. Place the misture in the container provided in this kit.




Step #3:
Make sue the soil is good and MOIST, but not sodden. Next, take your seeds out of the refrigerator (THEY NEVER TOLD ME TO PUT EM THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! BUT WHATEVER!) and place them on the surface of the soil. Push them down gently with your index finger, not too deep because the plants have a shallow root system. After the seeds are planted, place planter in plastic bag and seal.


Day #1:

Dear plant! Today I woke up AGAIN! I feel weird talking to a plant that may be dead already (I should not be trusted with nothing alive!!!) but here goes nothing! I need to go to the post office! But I don’t want to!!! Cuz I’m lazy! I really hope that the people I’m sending Christmas New Year’s cards don’t get mad at me cuz I just grabbed the old Christmas cards and scratched the word “Christmas” and wrote New Year with the same marker!!! And I also hope they don’t get offended when I put an “*” next to the Jesus references and a apologized beforehand in case they were Jewish or something!! (Shout out to Esteban and Brian!) but oh well! They should know by now that I have more issues than Times Magazine!! That said! I’m on my way to the post office!!!!
Day #2:

Shit I almost forget about today’s picture!!! Gua!!!!
Thank you for reminding me Karen!



This plant is doomed!!!
… (meer)