Herbert Smith (2)

Public domain Pooh!

Or, rather, public domain poop!

Because it is poopy bad!

Sherlock Holmes and Winnie the Pooh hang out together in the Hundred-Acre Wood solving mysteries. Many of the mysteries involve missing honey or bees of course, but as the stories progress they start taking on more and more sinister and paranormal aspects: ghosts, aliens, time travel, mind control, government conspiracies, etc. So, yeah, it's like an X-Files series relaunch with Pooh and Holmes taking over from Mulder and Scully. There's even a three-episode epic season finale with a memory transfer plot.

That's not actually a bad concept, right? But the writing in this short story collection comes off more like amateurish recaps in an episode guide for that imaginary show. The stories unfold almost exactly the same, with someone approaching Pooh and Holmes because something is missing or someone is feeling anxious about something scary. Then Pooh and Holmes investigate and -- with little effort -- solve it and proceed to a final showdown -- just that quickly, over and over again, 25 times in 56 pages:

"In a dramatic final showdown, Holmes and Pooh faced off against the deadly bee."

"Ih a final showdown, Pooh and Holmes confronted the angry spirits and apologized for the disrespect shown . . . "

"In a final showdown, they confronted the bee leader and brought him to justice."

"In a final showdown, Pooh and Holmes confronted the leaders of the honey black market and brought them to justice."

"In a final showdown, Pooh and Holmes confronted the mastermind behind the memory theft."

"In a final showdown, Pooh and Holmes faced off against the scientist and his monstrous creations."

In the next sentence -- with no elaboration -- they've won. Then they go home to celebrate and ruminate on the moral of the adventure, which is usually about environmentalism or community.

It's like reading stories by a child who only read one picture book about Pooh and saw a trailer for a Sherlock Holmes movie on TV once. The author doesn't seem to even know that Pooh and Holmes live in England, having them travel to a haunted mansion near the Hundred-Acre Wood that was "built on a Native American burial ground." Derp.

It is laughably bad, if you're into that.

FOR REFERENCE:

Table of Contents: 1. The Curse of the Honey Pot -- 2. The Enigma of the Missing Bees -- 3. The Danger of the Genetically Modified Bees -- 4. The Mystery of the Vanishing Trees -- 5. The Curse of the Haunted Mansion -- 6. The Case of the Missing Honey Pot -- 7. The Honey Conspiracy -- 8. The Portal to Another Dimension -- 9. The Time Paradox -- 10. The Case of the Missing Memories -- 11. The Mind Control Conspiracy -- 12. The Power of Fear -- 13. The Fear Within -- 14. The Traitor Within -- 15. The Hidden Truth -- 16. The Haunting of Honey Tree -- 17. The Phantom of the Museum -- 18. The Case of the Time Traveler -- 19. The Secret of the Haunted Woods -- 20. The Reality Experiment -- 21. The Alternate Universe -- 22. The Time Loop -- 23. The Transfer -- 24. The Conflict -- 25. The Solution… (meer)