There are two things that I never miss an opportunity to tell my husband.

1. He's damn lucky.
2. He's damn lucky that I am not a high-maintenance girl.

Now, high-maintenance isn't among the "450 words no woman can live without" that are included in Anna Lefler's The CHICK-tionary (although it probably should be), but that's not the point. The point is that before reading this, I never realized how lacking I am in the girly-girl department. (Girly-girl is included in The CHICK-tionary. Although I think I just used it in the wrong context.)

Because I will never be mistaken for being an -ista anything or a Goddess or a Diva, I am apparently missing out on, like, HALF THE WORLD.

That would be the half of the world that runs on all things female. The half of the world that knows about such crucial matters like "fill" and "acrylic nails" and "mani-pedi's." (My first and last mani-pedi was for my sister-in-law's wedding in 1999, before the mani-pedi was actually called such).

Quite possibly, you own an "it bag," maybe one made of something called "shagreen" (which connotates for me a bad 70s rug that resembles a forest) whereas I'm a little perturbed that my one and only purse might need to be replaced after only a year. A Bag Hag I am most certainly not.

And I know I am woefully lacking in the Black Shoe department. I might have ... um, three pairs? OK, maybe four, but no more than that.

You see? You see what I mean about not being high-maintenance? I am a dream wife, I tell you. I don't do ANY of this fashion or shopping or upkeep shit, and I don't know why I don't. (Well, yeah, I have a theory, but that's a whole 'nother story, one that's generally told after a few cocktails or ... six.) You will not see me getting Botox for the purpose of eradicating my future Marionette Lines or Parentheses.

But regardless of whether one plays in this particular playground, it is helpful to know the lexicon of the game. In fact, it's downright necessary. And that's where my new wingwoman Anna Lefler comes in, with her new book The CHICK-tionary. ("Wingwoman: the female version of the wingman, your wingwoman has got your back and all of your other sides as well. Mutual and deeply committed, the wingwoman relationship is most observable in large-scale social situations such as clubbing that require complex reconnaissance and secure transmission of sensitive information." pg. 219)

As my wingwoman, Anna's given me (and admit it, maybe you?) a primer on all matters pertaining to hair and nails and fashion. It's all here in The CHICK-tionary, right at my unmanicured fingertips. There are also quite a few terms related to the machinations of relationships and the goings-on in and near the Hoo-Ha - everything from waxing techniques to the instruments used at the Gynie.

Lest you all think I'm some sort of a Hot Mess when it comes to these things, I did recognize quite a considerable number of terms included in The CHICK-tionary. For example, Anna has the whole male-relationship/Flirtationship spectrum covered, defining everything from Friends with Benefits to the Himbo to the George Glass (who is not to be confused with the Kryptonite Guy), while clarifying the all-important difference between the Office Spouse and the Internet Spouse.

The CHICK-tionary, as one might expect, is a light and fun and humorous read. It's "fresh," in a good way. (In the way that Anna defines it on pg. 74). This is a book to give your BFF or your Biffle for her Bachelorette Party, or for her Unwedding, or just when she is feeling more Wifed than MILFed.

This is probably not the book to have on the nightstand in the guest room when your conservative in-laws come to visit. (Or, if you do, make it an unhighlighted version.)

Anna knows the world of the chicks. (As well as those who are "chic," according to my Betty, who claims that Ms. Lefler's people have the wrong variation of Chick in the title. "A Chick is a baby chicken," my all-knowing Betty states, adamantly. "A Chic [pronounced chick in her vernacular] is someone who walks around in bikinis all the time. That book, because it is pink and LOOKS like it is for people who walk around in bikinis all the time, should be called The Chic-tionary.")

Good Lord, I think my 10 year old has a better handle on this girl stuff than I do.

Still, regardless of whether you are a Chick or a Chic - or someone who is a hot mess when it comes to understanding Chicks and Chics - don't despair.

Anna Lefler can be your Wingwoman too.
( )

Anna Lefler, stand-up comedian and writer at Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder, has a fresh, intelligent sense of humor that shines in The Chicktionary. Meant as a reference book to the sometimes mystifying and always evolving language of women, Lefler’s satirical book is a barrel of laughs.

From bandeau (“From the French word meaning ‘there’s no way that’s staying up’) to clitoris (“the original ‘Like’ button”), Lefler’s book is amusing and informative, though it occasionally verges on TMI (speculum: kind of like “a really mean platypus” beak).

Much of the humor seems directed at women, such as her description of maxi pads (“Some pads even come wrapped in sassy colors to match your sassy uterus”) and her instructions on diagnosing your face shape (“Stand in front of a mirror, view your face, and ask yourself this question: ‘What shape is that?’”) But even Jack found several of the entries funny, reading aloud the entry for bangs.

The one aspect of the book that I didn’t like was its rigid structure. It adheres to the structure of a dictionary, which makes it fun to flip through but not something you’d want to, say, read all the way through in almost one sitting. (Ahem.) Despite that qualm, I’m going to start reading more from Ms. Lefler, starting with her blog.

The book raises a few questions that it can’t answer, such as whether men really call their penises “Mr. Shock-and-Aw-Yeah!” But overall, The Chicktionary is the perfect gift this holiday season for the frenemy who has everything–especially a good sense of humor.

For a full review, visit my book review blog, Melody & Words: http://melodyandwords.com/2011/11/25/the-chicktionary-by-anna-lefler/. ( )

Book Description

As the subtitle states, The CHICK-tionary covers “From A-Line to Z-Snap, the Words Every Woman Should Know.” Containing 450+ words that “no woman can live without” (well, I could do without cameltoe and cankles), The CHICK-tionary is that rarest of reference books—one with attitude and a sense of humor. Organized by alphabetical order (like a real dictionary!), The CHICK-tionary is perfect for browsing for a giggle or for times when you hear a term and wonder exactly what it means.

My Thoughts

I’m one of those clueless dorks who is aware of various pop culture terms but don’t really know what they mean. For example, back when MILF started floating around, I was mystified about what it stood for. Same for when “cougar” started being bandied about. I’d have to ask Mr. Jenners what those terms meant … and have to endure both his incredulity and mocking. So, for someone who is perennially out of touch with pop culture slang, The CHICK-tionary helps me save face and seem “with it.” (Also, this was my first glimpse into all the possibilities of what could be done with your pubic hair—from “landing strip” to “vajazzle” to “merkin.” I had NO IDEA there were so many possibilities for that area.)

Besides illuminating me about the meaning of various terminology, The CHICK-tionary was a fun read as well. Anna Lefler has a sense of humor and she’s not afraid to use it … or tell it like it is. Perhaps the best way to convey the tone and feel of the book is to share a few of the definitions with you.

Beta Baby, noun

The heavily scrutinized first child born into a circle of female friends. The beta baby provokes a spectrum of reactions among group members, ranging from fascination and affection to annoyance and naked envy, depending on the friend’s current marital and/or relationship status and the degree to which the beta baby disrupts the group. Although scientists work to pioneer methods for testing the resilience of the female friendship dynamic, it is unlikely that a more effective instrument than the beta baby will ever be developed.

Poncho, noun

What is it about a poncho? What does that question even mean? Anyway, a poncho is like a tarp for a person—you throw it on, pop your head through a hole, and most everything is covered. The poncho is one of those timeless pieces of clothing that, although it becomes trendy every so often, never truly goes out of style, particularly if it’s made from something swanky like cashmere. Bonus features of a poncho include the ease of hiding things under it (see also: pooch) and that it may come with pom-poms that bounce around like crazy when you run.

Girl Scout Cookies, noun

The SCUD missile of dessert items, Girl Scout cookies can blast through the most impenetrable of diets and make rubble of ironclad New Year’s resolutions faster than you can say “I’ll take four boxes of Samoas.” What is it about these things? You know if they were on the supermarket shelves, you’d walk right past them without a second look, right? Is it their limited-time availability? The fact that you get hit up for them at the office when you’d rather do anything than finish writing that report? Is it the smiles of little girls whose hopes and dreams have not yet been crushed under the boulder of life’s realities? More importantly, is anyone selling them here today, right now? We’ve got CASH, people!

My only real complaint is that Lefler neglected to include a definition for “hooking up,” which Mindy Kaling rightly points out in her book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, needs to be defined. Does it mean sex? a rigorous bout of kissing? I think Lefler missed out a chance to define this most nebulous of terms, which certainly cries out for a definition as it leaves me terribly confused whenever I read US Weekly.

Recommended for: This light and breezy book would be a perfect gift for your “bestie” or a sister or an older niece or an out-of-touch older person (much like myself) who needs to get with the times and stop misusing terms like “cougar.” ( )

Still wondering how it is that women communicate in such odd and sometimes seemingly telepathic ways? Wonder no longer! Anna Lefler’s debut non-fiction novel, The Chicktionary: From A-line to Z-snap, the words every woman should know, shares the essential verbiage for communicating effectively and intelligently without looking like a “hot mess”.

This was a hysterical look at some of the terms used on an almost every day basis in my life. Yes, growing up with two sisters and no brothers I’m pretty well versed in the sometimes subtle or not-so-subtle ways women communicate. What was hilarious about Lefler’s book was her ability to put each word into a specific scenario in such a short amount of space. Take the phrase “I Hate You” for example:

This is one of those expressions that is, as they say, all in the delivery. If spoken in a menacing or even straightforward manner, it’s meaning is, well, pretty clear. If, on the other hand, it’s exclaimed by one female to another with a seemingly warm or jovial inflection, it becomes a complex expression of admiration and/or envy. An example of this more subtle use of the phrase might be: “Omigod, that dress makes you look so skinny! I hate you!” It’s important to realize that when someone uses this expression with you she actually does in some small way, hate you.
(p. 97, The Chicktionary by Anna Lefler)

It’s endings like that that have you rolling on the ground laughing, because honestly…who hasn’t said or thought that very thing at one point in their life? If you haven’t you probably need to spend more hanging out with your girlfriends. In some places it did remind me that I need to get together with my sisters again in the very near future actually. To be honest, after reading it I felt a bit of pressure to incorporate as many words as I could from the book into my review, but I’m just not that funny. I’ll leave that to Anna as she has perfected the art.

Anna Lefler has a knack for knowing just how women think and The Chicktionary is brilliant! It’s obvious Lefler spent countless hours with other women because I’m not sure how you could come up with all the terms found in this little gem. Even after growing up in a family of all girls where my father constantly felt like the odd man out I still discovered a few new terms to add to my own “Chicktionary”. If you are in need of either a fantastic guidebook to women’s communication or simply a laugh out loud afternoon of reading then you must pick up The Chicktionary by Anna Lefler.

My original review was posted at Chick Lit Reviews and News. ( )