Nancy N. Heilbronner

Why I started this book: I used to work as school psychologist in California while in school. I also worked in that district as a psychometrist in their GATE program testing Spanish speakers. I later had my own children that are exceptional learners so I wanted to learn from this book.

Why I finished this book: I found this book interesting throughout. I enjoyed the topic, the examples provided, the insights, the practical information and the input from her children. This book was well written and her writing style drew me in quickly. She seems like a person I would enjoy talking to.

I am thankful I was selected on Librarything.com to receive this book from the publisher. I would highly recommend this book for parents and teachers.… (meer)

I had my children, all three talented and gifted, read this book. They agreed that these were all things that should not be said to TAG children. I was pleased to have their input. I, too, was a TAG child, but that was before such labels were in use. Interestingly, my children heard these ten things not from me, but from other adults in their lives who should have known better: teachers and administrators who, you would think, should have had some training in working with gifted children. I think their lack of training is a direct result of "No Child Left Behind", which anyone who is or who works with gifted will tell you is in reality the program "Gifted Children Left Behind".

Although the Heilbronners' book is, perhaps, aimed at parents and families, I believe it would be appropriate for school administrators and teachers to read as well. Anyone who comes into contact with gifted kids could come away with useful insight into what makes them tick and what words would be unhelpful in working with them. Of course, the issue in our household was always more complicated than mere giftedness, as my children have always been twice exceptional (with a NVLD in addition to the giftedness), so perhaps my view is informed by the amount of involvement that others outside the family always have had in my children's education.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book's unique perspective, as it was written by not only the parent, but also the adult children, thereby providing a unique look at more than one side of the issue. I also valued the format in which it was constructed: a brief narrative; a discussion of the issue at hand; concrete steps in how to handle the situation; and a follow-up by an adult child regarding the specific topic. I found that format to be very effective.

In short, this is a book that I'd recommend highly to anyone who works with talented and gifted kids, whether a parent or a school administrator or teacher. It's a little gem and a practical resource for working with a population of children that could use a lot more attention in this day and age. Thank you, Heilbronners, for writing it.… (meer)

As a kid identified early on as having a high IQ, who grew up in a household with smart parents and two gifted siblings, I asked for this book to see if it offered any insights into certain aspects of my relationships with both family members and teachers. In other words, my reasons were highly personal. At the same time, as the writer of several books and studies on young people and the job market, I do have a certain professional interest, albeit from a different perspective.

As a professional, I found the Heilbronners' book extremely interesting and sure to be helpful to those who live or work with gifted children from pre-K to college-age. The single most-important inference to be drawn is that adults should never say anything implying that you expect the gifted child to be perfect at everything. Particularly, even if you don't say it, you should certainly never assume that any sign of imperfection shows laziness or contrariness.

From the personal perspective, I learned something interesting: (1) Evidently every gifted child manifests behavioral differences; and (2) Adults respond to each gifted child in ways that say as much about them as about the child.

For example, of the "10 Things Not to Say," only three were directed to me with enough regularity to be memorable: (4) "Do it because I said so;" (6) "No more questions;" and (10) "Can't you color inside the lines?"

On the other hand, there are other comments that I recall hearing with gag-making regularity: (1) Why are you so messy?; (2) You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on; (3) You never pay attention; (4) There are things more important than being smart; (5) Don't be so stubborn - you can't always have everything the way you want, (6) For anybody else, this would have been an "A" paper, but I know you can do better so I'm only giving you a "B"; etc., etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Some of these responses are touched on or implied in the Heilbronners' book, but none with quite the specificity I would have liked - and I would guess that most kids with high IQs or gifted designations would have their own pet peeves sayings-wise.

I'd like to suggest that in their next book, the Heilbronners address the flip side of the coin, i.e.: productive things to tell these kids. It'd be especially helpful to address the issue of the ever-present potential for adult hostility (particularly on the part of teachers and assessment professionals) and also to explain in greater detail how having greater than average abilities affects everything from the child's own perception of how the world works to personal relationships.

In other words, this is a worthwhile book written by people who have obviously been there.… (meer)