Nancy N. HeilbronnerBesprekingen

This was a well written book and well shared story. The story is quite personal, and it says as much in the subtitle. I would recommend this book to a family that found themselves particularly in this situation. To me, the most important thing is to know your child, and to encourage them and challenge them, regardless of their ability.

Why I started this book: I used to work as school psychologist in California while in school. I also worked in that district as a psychometrist in their GATE program testing Spanish speakers. I later had my own children that are exceptional learners so I wanted to learn from this book.

Why I finished this book: I found this book interesting throughout. I enjoyed the topic, the examples provided, the insights, the practical information and the input from her children. This book was well written and her writing style drew me in quickly. She seems like a person I would enjoy talking to.

I am thankful I was selected on Librarything.com to receive this book from the publisher. I would highly recommend this book for parents and teachers.

I had my children, all three talented and gifted, read this book. They agreed that these were all things that should not be said to TAG children. I was pleased to have their input. I, too, was a TAG child, but that was before such labels were in use. Interestingly, my children heard these ten things not from me, but from other adults in their lives who should have known better: teachers and administrators who, you would think, should have had some training in working with gifted children. I think their lack of training is a direct result of "No Child Left Behind", which anyone who is or who works with gifted will tell you is in reality the program "Gifted Children Left Behind".

Although the Heilbronners' book is, perhaps, aimed at parents and families, I believe it would be appropriate for school administrators and teachers to read as well. Anyone who comes into contact with gifted kids could come away with useful insight into what makes them tick and what words would be unhelpful in working with them. Of course, the issue in our household was always more complicated than mere giftedness, as my children have always been twice exceptional (with a NVLD in addition to the giftedness), so perhaps my view is informed by the amount of involvement that others outside the family always have had in my children's education.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book's unique perspective, as it was written by not only the parent, but also the adult children, thereby providing a unique look at more than one side of the issue. I also valued the format in which it was constructed: a brief narrative; a discussion of the issue at hand; concrete steps in how to handle the situation; and a follow-up by an adult child regarding the specific topic. I found that format to be very effective.

In short, this is a book that I'd recommend highly to anyone who works with talented and gifted kids, whether a parent or a school administrator or teacher. It's a little gem and a practical resource for working with a population of children that could use a lot more attention in this day and age. Thank you, Heilbronners, for writing it.

As a kid identified early on as having a high IQ, who grew up in a household with smart parents and two gifted siblings, I asked for this book to see if it offered any insights into certain aspects of my relationships with both family members and teachers. In other words, my reasons were highly personal. At the same time, as the writer of several books and studies on young people and the job market, I do have a certain professional interest, albeit from a different perspective.

As a professional, I found the Heilbronners' book extremely interesting and sure to be helpful to those who live or work with gifted children from pre-K to college-age. The single most-important inference to be drawn is that adults should never say anything implying that you expect the gifted child to be perfect at everything. Particularly, even if you don't say it, you should certainly never assume that any sign of imperfection shows laziness or contrariness.

From the personal perspective, I learned something interesting: (1) Evidently every gifted child manifests behavioral differences; and (2) Adults respond to each gifted child in ways that say as much about them as about the child.

For example, of the "10 Things Not to Say," only three were directed to me with enough regularity to be memorable: (4) "Do it because I said so;" (6) "No more questions;" and (10) "Can't you color inside the lines?"

On the other hand, there are other comments that I recall hearing with gag-making regularity: (1) Why are you so messy?; (2) You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on; (3) You never pay attention; (4) There are things more important than being smart; (5) Don't be so stubborn - you can't always have everything the way you want, (6) For anybody else, this would have been an "A" paper, but I know you can do better so I'm only giving you a "B"; etc., etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Some of these responses are touched on or implied in the Heilbronners' book, but none with quite the specificity I would have liked - and I would guess that most kids with high IQs or gifted designations would have their own pet peeves sayings-wise.

I'd like to suggest that in their next book, the Heilbronners address the flip side of the coin, i.e.: productive things to tell these kids. It'd be especially helpful to address the issue of the ever-present potential for adult hostility (particularly on the part of teachers and assessment professionals) and also to explain in greater detail how having greater than average abilities affects everything from the child's own perception of how the world works to personal relationships.

In other words, this is a worthwhile book written by people who have obviously been there.

I found this book to be helpful both in dealing with my own children (who were identified as gifted in elementary school) as well as useful in dealing with my students (I teach high school). Like many other reviewers, I found that I gleaned much more information from reading the "children's perspective" than I thought I would. Growing up as a "gifted child" in the late 80's and 90's, I wish that many of my teachers would have had this book to read.

This was a gifted book that hit the target! I love that it is written from personal experience AND includes the child's view of growing up gifted. The insight and the practical tips were presented in a way that I found myself agreeing with as I read each page. This book will be a great help to families who have been blessed with gifted children and as a homeschooling mom who has lived through some trialsome times and said just about all the ten things listed in this book, I am going to be better equipped to respond the next time a situation comes up in our family. Sidenote: two of my children sat and read this book and found it interesting and encouraging.

As the parent of a gifted child I found this book insightful and informative. It was a quick read and very empathetically written. It was nice to see that others understand the challenges of raising a gifted child and I found several tips that I plan to try immediately. Her advice is clear and accompanied with personal anecdotes.½

Parenting a gifted child isn't easy and there hasn't been much guidance for parents of gifted children, not that I've seen anyway. Maybe there should be more education offered for parents when it is discovered that a child is gifted. This book was a quick easy read but had many ideas for dealing with issues that frequently arise when parenting a bright child. Some of the characteristics I hadn't connected with giftedness, I just thought that my children were particularly argumentative and had anxieties! So, from that aspect, and in many other ways, I found the book to be practical and informative. I even found that I understand myself a little better which was an unexpected bonus. It may be useful to let your children who are old enough to read it. My 13 year old son saw the book on the kitchen table and, when I caught him reading it, quipped, "I am learning all kinds of things about myself!".
It is written in a familiar format if you have ever watched David Letterman. The author has chosen 10 things that parents of gifted children may have said at one time or another to their children and includes anecdotes from her experiences parenting 3 gifted children. She also includes tables with well-ordered and succinct advise. At the end of each chapter, one of her now grown children added commentary that related to that particular chapter.
There were a few minor things that I did not find helpful, most notably the advice in chapter 4 (Do it because I said so!) on limiting choices for young children. If I offered a choice between the red and the blue dress, my child invariably wanted the pink dress that she had grown out of but I hadn't yet gleaned from her closet. Either that or the lady bug costume from last Halloween. I found the mantra "choose your battles" much more helpful. And yes, she wore that lady bug costume to preschool many times! I read one review that recommended adding a chapter on getting your gifted child to accept help. I heartily agree with that one and would add that a chapter is needed on helping a gifted child feel good about herself without alienating those around her because of her bragging about her intellect, a current challenge in our house.

When I requested this book, I was hoping for some insight into what to look for in a child, partly to determine whether testing for giftedness was something that should be done. The toddler son of a close friend displayed behaviors which to me, hinted at more than average intelligence, but I knew little or nothing about the nature of giftedness, and was seeking a starting point. I was very pleased when I got the book, as I felt that a family perspective was just what I was looking for.

Heilbronner offered that, and much more. The author, herself gifted and the mother of three gifted children, is also qualified in the teaching of gifted children. Additionally, she has furthered her education in the field. Her ability to link her parenting experiences to her academic knowledge gives the book depth and offers a unique viewpoint.

There are many things to appreciate in this book. The first of which is the clear, concise writing that both Heilbronner and her children use to get their message across. It makes for an easy, understandable read, which is critical to someone newly navigating the waters of possible giftedness. The tone of the book is friendly and appealing – definitely reflecting the coaching and guiding methodology of a mother/teacher.

While demonstrating that each child is different – clearly illustrated by the stories from her children – the author gives good guidelines on how to recognize and interpret behaviors in gifted children. She also provides workable strategies for how to deal with these behaviors, always to the benefit of the child. It is worth noting that many of these behaviors and resultant strategies are applicable to children who are not necessarily gifted, as well.

The format of the book is also very appealing. Each of the major points are allocated a chapter of their own, which makes it easy for the reader to pinpoint behaviors that maybe relevant to them. When I was finished with the book, I passed it on to my friend, and advised her to read the introduction, and then skip directly to Chapter 5 before she read anything else. It’s easy to think that Chapter 5 was written precisely for her son. This particular format also makes the book relevant to persons with varying degrees of knowledge about giftedness in children, from the complete novice like me, to someone with more widespread understanding, searching for more information on a particular topic.

The differing perspectives of the author’s children, who provide anecdotal evidence of the main points in each chapter, add to the appeal of the book in several ways. First, they provide an opportunity to see the strategies in action, as it were, as well as to see the results on the child in question. Secondly, the input from the children add a richness to the book that lifts it way above what might have been merely a textbook type offering on gifted children.

Overall, I truly enjoyed the book, and felt that I learnt a lot from it. I was excited to pass it on to my friend, and I’m looking forward to the benefits to her and her son. I would recommend this book to anyone who has an interest in understanding gifted children and how best to help them achieve their fullest potential. However, I would also recommend it to anyone who is looking for workable strategies to deal with certain behaviors in any child. There is also a great list of references at the end of the book to provide additional information on the subject.

I really enjoyed this book. I found it very insightful in how I can deal with my recently identified, gifted son. I always thought he was smart but lazy, there are many suggestions on how to motivate him. Ialso found many insight into why I do things. I wish the author had included an eleventh chapter on how to get the gifted child to accept help, but other than that it was an excellent read.

I was super excited to read this book. As a child with the "gifted" label in the 80's, my parents had no guides to help them understand some of the issues or challenges in raising children with vastly different talents and needs. As a mother now with two gifted children, I have access to a great deal of information and research on gifted children. However, THIS book has really resonated with me. I appreciate that it has the perspectives of both children as well as the parents included. Too often, the childs' voice is forgotten. Reading this book has helped me understand not only issues I faces as a child, as well as challenges that I am facing myself in raising two very different and challenging children.

I appreciate the growing body of work written about the experience of being/parenting a "gifted" child. Although not a parent myself, I recognized many of my own experiences growing up with that label. Many of these techniques and strategies help to both ground a child's experience and also place that experience within a larger context. I wish that there had been literature on the topic during my own childhood. A definite recommendation from me.

One of the important signs of any book about parenting is whether or not the author is able to observe and communicate information that resonates outside of her singular experience. In the case of "10 Things Not to Say to Your Gifted Child: One Family's Perspective" I have to say that Nancy Heilbronner has successfully shared her perspective. As a parent, I immediately related the content.

Heilbronner's discussion of 'perfectionism' especially rang true for me. She suggests talking about perfectionism with a child and encouraged the parent to share his/her own experience. It would be incredibly easy for me to create an unhelpful environment for my son, so being open with him about my personality/struggles will hopefully generate a space for him to thrive in his own giftedness.

I don't think my kids are gifted, I just saw this book listed as a giveaway and it sounded interesting. I'm glad I won it because a lot of the ideas apply to parenting in general.

The chapter on introverts/extroverts really struck home with me (ex. thinking your child needs tons of friends when introverts are usually fine with just 1 or 2). And I also liked the chapter on creative children, since I have one of those.

Overall, a good read.

I am (was?!) the parent of a gifted child in the 80's. That child now grown up has a gifted child of her own. I loved the multiplicity of voices in this - the book is written by Dr. Nancy Heilbronner and her three children, now adults looking back on their childhood. Reading this, I realize I did a pretty darned good job with my kids, including the one that wasn't classified as "gifted." AND I learned a lot to share with my daughter, struggling to raise an ADHD gifted child with extreme emotional swings. Whether you are a grandparent, parent or just related somehow to a gifted child, this is the book for you - the grown-kids' perspective will be invaluable. Heilbronner is a bit over the top in taking credit for her superior parenting in creating such talented and educated kids though; I feel that not enough credit was given to the kids' innate senses of who they were and who they wanted to be.

As someone who was a gifted child, and who has a gifted daughter now myself, I was very anxious to read this book. The author does touch on a few issues I have experienced over the years. The first is that, if you are used to life being achievement-based, as it is in school, what do you do when you get out of school and there is no clear path - when it becomes apparent that achievement as an adult isn't so clear-cut? The second issue is that it's hard to decide what you want to do when you grow up when many, many things interest you and all the adults around you have been telling you for years that you're so smart you can be anything you want to be.

The end-of-chapter anecdotes provide hopeful evidence that some people, at least, do eventually get through it. I would have liked to have seen more concrete advice as to what her children did to overcome these situations, but this is, after all, primarily a book for dealing with your gifted child, not a primer for gifted adults, so I can't really complain. It was nice to know others had been there.

I found the section on how to know whether you should let your child quit an activity most helpful with my own daughter. And when I read the story about how the author and her husband tended to go overboard whenever their children expressed an interest in a particular activity, I thought of how I probably do the same with my daughter, probably because I'm hoping she'll pick something early on and avoid the indecisive foundering I mentioned earlier.

There was also a handy list of resources in the back. This book probably isn't the last word on the subject, it was interesting learning how one family coped with issues similar to those experienced by my own family.

As an educator, I've found that there are many books out there with methodology on how to help students who are struggling due to impairments (mentally, physically, etc). What I found refreshing about Ten Things is that it discusses a different type of student: the ones who teachers might assume are doing perfectly fine on their own, so no need to fuss.

I received my advance copy this afternoon and have devoured through the first three chapters. While I was hesitant on the fact that the author claims to be a gifted person who has raised three gifted children (now adults), their personal stories of living with these special talents reminds us that they too are humans with trials and tribulations. I've enjoyed a peek into their lives through personal stories and also it is interested (and rewarding) to see that these gifted children (some who had some difficult issues-- like anxiety or poor time management) have succeed in life.

A great book for parents who have a gifted child and need some guidance on how to help them through certain issues that may pop up and great for teachers who are wondering how to help the gifted child succeed in all areas of their lives. I can't wait to continue reading through the wisdom and wit of this Heilbronner family.

As an update: I have since finished the book and enjoyed all of the chapters! While I am not a parent of a gifted child, I did have my own gifts for learning growing up, so this book helped me to see my childhood in a new light. I am happy it provides me with useful tips to provide parents who are wondering how to help their gifted child as well.

I really felt like this book was written so that the author could brag about how great of a mom she was how "gifted" everyone in her family is. It was hard for me to take the advice she gave seriously because it was always between an annoying story about her superior parenting skills and followed by an afterward written by the child she used as illustration. Oh, and I have to mention that if she got frustrated or lost her cool in the story, she made sure to explain how rarely that happened. Must be nice to be so gifted that you are able to obtain all that education and have the time and money to raise kids That was just how she was able to get them to talk about how successful they are as adults due to their mom's recognition and knowledge of gifted children. By the way their are three of them. One went to Harvard, one went to Yale, and one went to an art school in New York.